A
male
age
,
*ATT
writes:I'm a 45 year old male and have 3 kids with a 35 year old female, we been together for 15 years off and on she has been abused as a kid by a grandfather, so she has sex, one night stands or 2-3 times a partner but has lied throughtout our entire relathionship. Now she has seen the damage it has caused and guilt etc. I have done prison time over her lies and infidelity. I do love her and she claims the same.Is there any hope she has had 15 partners and I have had a lady friend, no sex no contact for 7 years, now can she ever be trusted or change her habits and be faithful? I have been totally faithful to this day and we are both good parents. Please advise. regards catt.
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male
reader, CATT +, writes (25 November 2007):
CATT is verified as being by the original poster of the question MY PERSONAL THANKS TO ALL THAT HAS REPLIED TO MY SITUATION.IT IS MUCH APPRECIATED & RESPECTED,YOU ALL HAVE HELPED WITH YOUR INSIGHT.THANKS AGAIN.BEST WISHES,catt
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (25 November 2007):
 Hi . There are a lot of issues going on in the relatively short posting you’ve sent in. I’ll give you my perspective on what you’ve sent. The first thought that comes to mind is..... ….Are you two good for each other? I have to ask the question because there are some couples that just keep setting each other alight. Sparking one another off. Only you two can really answer that question.
That said, I also sense a lot of hope coming from you. What’s the situation with her? You say that she loves you.
If you are both committed to want to make it work – then it will work.
You have got a lot of reasons to succeed. Three of them are your children’s names. Another three are your children’s futures. And another three are your childrens’ future partners. Because whatever Mums and Dads do has a big effect on shaping and moulding the lives of their kids. Just the same as you and your wife’s lives have been affected by what happened to her. I am sure you know it – we all need reminding from time to time though – including me.
So yes there is hope. But it won’t be easy. You will need help and support in whatever form you can get it where you live. That is so important to your chances that I am going to say it again in a different form. Yes you two can re-build your lives together towards a happiness. It will be a much tougher challenge than most people face so you will both need guidance and feedback from people who have training and experience in specialist areas. Don’t let any foolish pride get in the way of listening to help and guidance.
How are you going to get that? Right now – I don’t know. I don’t live in your country. I don’t even know how the system works. Hopefully someone from the US will see your question and give you more detail than I could. If you’re stuck, and nobody gives you some further information, post again with the state that you’re in and I will see what I can find out. Come back to your original posting in 3-4 days after you have given me the state you live in.
Best of luck, Richard
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (25 November 2007):
 Hi hon, i think before anything can be sorted out, she needs to see a councelor about her past, being abused. Then there can be hope for trust in the future. I hope you are ok, stay strong. I hope i helped, Feel free to mail me aout anything x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): Hi Hunny,
She really needs to see a counsellor being abused when young can affect your feelings about sex, You think very little of yourself and it can go on yrs if not treated, As for the unfaithfullness you both need to see someone to sort this out, Prison time! Hunny you cant go on like this you really need to sit and talk and come to a decition about couples counselling. If you still love each other after all you have been through its time to think how this is not only affecting you but the children as well and get help... Talk with her be open and honest and tell her you want the truth as to why she feels the need to do this. I hope things get better for you soon with love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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