A
female
age
41-50,
*eutschangel
writes:I have started seeing a man and all is good apart from one thing. He has a dog, and has had him for 10 years now. I have a great fear of dogs stemming from when I was a child, especially staffs, and this man happens to have a staff. Even though he says the dog is well mannered and has never bitten etc, I am still scared. I have always sworn that I would never have a child or have one around a dog due to this fear. Also the media hype about staffs increases this fear. I cannot ask this man to give the dog to another member of the family but I also know that there is no way I can deal with having a dog in my household. I have tried various ways of dealing with my fear, from confrontation to hypnotism, and all have failed. Any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation? Has your man given up his beloved pet due to a fear? Or have you had to walk away? Any answers will be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deutschangel +, writes (29 July 2007):
deutschangel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst and foremost, thank you all for taking the time to answer my post. All have given sound advice and I agree with the fact that he should not be made to choose between me and his dog. It is not fair to ask him to do that. At the same time, I feel I am going to have to go with Phil on this one. I cannot trust this dog, or any dog for that matter. I have tried so many different treatments, and rhythmandblues2 I am a cognitive behavioural psychologist and have tried many of the methods I use for other patients!! I have enlisted the help of my colleagues but to no avail. I am still quite young and I know that there are plenty of other guys out there for me. I will explain my fears to this current partner, and I know that he will not give up the dog. If I have to give him up as a partner, at least I know we are close enough that I can keep him as a friend. (And he can come to my house , without the dog!)I cannot and will not ask him to give up his best friend for me, be it canine or otherwise. This is my fear and if I cannot cope with it, I shall have to be the one to lose out.
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (29 July 2007):
 I have a staffy, and she is the most loving softest dog you could ever come across and i have two children.
They drag her around and my daughter who is only three dresses her up covers her in blankets and everything.
Never once have i ever seen my staffy even show her teeth, they were actually bred to look after children and they are extremly loyal.
Don't give up on you're relationship because of the dog, i'm sure if you give it time you will also come to love the dog they are great.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): I would not trust one of these dogs any further than I could spit, especially around children. Full stop. End of story.You're right to be concerned. Wait 'till the dog dies and then move in with him, which should be within a few years. You'll probably have found someone else by then anyway!Phil
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): The American Pit Bull is closely related to this breed and many of these dogs in the US have been bread to fight, they are known for killing smaller dogs, and hurting children, and are often refused veterinary care here in the US, and unfortuneatley many owners of Pit Bulls are the type of people who want the dog for protection, and do not treat the dog as a pet----I am not fond of this breed of dog being reproduced in the US due to it's lack of proper breeding for personality characteristics that make it a good pet.
The Staffordshire Bull Terrier waw bred as a show dog, and I have not heard the same bad things about this dog....if your boyfriend is not the type of person who wants an agressive guard dog, and he has had his pet for 10 years and the dog has hurt no one, then I think you are painting the dog with the wrong brush, give the dog a chance to bond with you, and you will see whether or not he can be trusted around you and or children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): Dogs are like people or family members to their owners and to try and suggest he gets rid of the dog will alienate you quicker than you like. I have a dog and my boyfriend has suggested on the odd occasion when i've been stressed and tired with looking after him that perhaps I could let someone else do it....I've been on to him like a ton of bricks I can tell you! I am fiercely loyal to my beloved dog as he is to me. You won't break the bond and you shouldn't try. Please get some help regarding your fears and phobia - there are many options - hypnosis, EFT technique amongst others and they can be highly effective. Try this first. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): I am not sure what a staff is, a staffordshire terrier? If so, these are harmless pets, the man has had him for 10 years and would not even think of giving up his best friend in his senior years, he owes his loyalty to the dog as his sole caretaker, and for you to ask him to get rid of the dog because of a neurotic fear, would be unfair.
You need to seek the help of a behavioral psychologist, all you need is some reconditioning of your fear by slowly doing more and more exposure to the dog, and calming yourself by thinking how nothing bad is going to happen....your fear of dogs would be a bad thing to pass on to a child regardless, you need to conquer it if you are planning on having children so you don't pass on your nuerosis to your kids...that isn't fair.
I think you may have met this man for a reason, and his dog is part of the deal....seek some help, this is your problem, not his, so don't put it on him to solve for you, and don't hold out, if you love me you would, because that is a bunch of crap and you know it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): For most pet owners, their pet is family. If you love and respect this man, and realized that he is a package deal.
He had his pet before you and for ten years that's a lot of time to bond with this pet, make memories, that dog has been there for him when no one else has, the dog has been companionship.
I think you already know that to ask him to get rid of his beloved pet is not fair to him.
Irrational fears can be overcome with hard work. Enlist his help.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (29 July 2007):
 All i can say is that you have to either walk away from the relationship due to your fear.
Or continue to try and conquer it. Easier said than done.
Believe me if you get this man to give up his dog of 10 years he will either not do it or resent you for it. To some people dogs are best friends so it will be very hard.
You may have to continue to look at other methods of conquering your fear OR how about explaining it too him and when your at his place put the dog outside or in another room, its not much help but its all i can say.
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