A
female
age
30-35,
*riaz
writes:I am 23, just graduated from college, and looking for a new job as a registered nurse. I have had a few interviews, and have a good feeling about some of them. However, some of them are quite far from where I live now, yet my mom is against me moving out, no matter how far my new workplace will be. I come from a Chinese family, so my parents are very strict. However, my mom works at looking after our home and my dad's business is not doing as well as it used to. During school, I worked 2 jobs and averaged about 40-50 hours a week to pay for school, since my parents could no longer afford my tuition.It was hard, but I managed to do it. It was also a good way to show my parents that I can be independent. I appreciate everything they've done, but now I want to experience life on my own, and my mom doesn't want me to. I do not get along with my mom very well because i think she's having a hard time accepting the fact that I've grown up and don't need her as much anymore. She's very controlling and I can't stand it.When I started nursing school, I stayed at home because I had to pay my tuition, and it was the cheapest option. However, I hated staying at home. She and I fought constantly because she kept trying to control me. She's doing whatever she can to keep me at home. She's guilt tripped me ("I do everything at home for you, and you still want to move out? You're so ungrateful!"), used my dad's declining business ("your dad's business is not doing well, and you want to spend more money by living ouside home. That's a dumb decision. Why would you do that when you can continue to live at home for free?"), and money issues as well ("We're gonna need you to help pay the bills soon [which i don't have a problem with], so you should save money so you can help us out. Living outside home will be too costly for you"). I tell her I don't care about spending more money on rent, because I'll be making a lot of money as a nurse. She says "she cares" and doesn't want me to waste my money on something stupid. There's a reason why I'm finding work as far away from home as possible for a reason. I really can't stand living with her anymore. What do I do?
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (28 July 2015):
 I think you already know the answer, OP. You're at an age when you should give your career priority. Don't move for the sake of it, to get away from family, but if the best opportunities you have are away from home, take them.
Families complain, they always want us to stay close, but if they love you, and it seems that through her controlling, your mother does, she will continue to do so.
You're a brave kid, you've clearly worked hard to get where you are. Take the opportunities you get.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): Move already...You are an adult act like one.Do not let her guilt trip you.If your parents need money your mom is fully capeable of getting a job.Sounds like she wants your money so she does not have to work.I got that from we will need your help paying the bills.So you see staying there would not be free as she says.Move out and see how happy you could really be being free to do what you want.Since you do not get along it would also be really good for your mental health.A job nurseing is very stressful.Why add to that stress by putting up with her nonsence?Move it is what you must do and you know it.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 July 2015):
Moving out is your choice...but make sure you are set when you move. Nothing is more embarrassing than wanting to get away from you parents only to have to move back, or ask them for money because you did not see LIFE waiting for you. If you think things are hard now, wait until you go out on your own.
Parents know this, and they try to save you from having to go through those hardships. I have seen your situation so many times...The "I am an adult now, I can make my own choices"...They move out, and 6 months later, the cost of living was not exactly taken into account. "Mom, Dad, I am low on rent money, can I borrow couple hundred?" Now your parents have to look after their home and yours too.
So make sure you are set money wise before you move.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (27 July 2015):
You'll simply have to move out without your parents approval. You're an adult living in a developed country so there's nothing to stop you. Your parents can't physically stop you.... they can withdraw their support and they can withdraw their love but they can't stop you.
And, ultimately, most parents DON'T withdraw their love - they grumble, gripe, shout or cry for a while but they eventually get used to the situation and accept it. You just have to be emotionally strong enough to let it wash over you until such time and not fall for emotional blackmail.
If you decide to move out against their wishes (because it's unlikely there's anything you can say or do to get them to agree with your choices), you will have to be prepared to do it all alone. They are unlikely to offer financial assistance or practical help with apartment-hunting, furniture moving, decorating etc so you shouldn't expect it.
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