A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I need some help please. I KNOW my fiancé was having an affair. He never confirmed it in fact he completely denies it, but I KNOW.We’ve been together 6 years and have a 1 year old son. A year ago his behaviour changed. The usual signs. He was making effort with his appearance, wearing aftershave to work. Coming home late and immediately jumping in the shower. Starting work at 4am. He’s been in the same job since we got together and has never had to start early or finish late before. Wouldn’t answer his phone when he was running late. Stopped showing me any affection. Secretive with his phone. One day when I confronted him he told me to go through his phone and the only thing I found was he was best friends on snap chat with someone that was a female work contact but there were no messages saved. 2 or 3 months later the same happened and this work contact was still his best friend on snap chat even though he had finished the job long before. I told him to tell the truth or we’re finished. He still denied it but think he must have stopped things with her as all his different behaviours suddenly stopped and he went back to normal. Her number isn’t saved in his phone any more but he still has her on snap chat but they’re not best friends on there any more.He’s back to his usual self but he’s snappy and off with me. I can’t shake the feeling that he wants to be with this other woman and I don’t know what to do
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2023): You have only circumstantial evidence, and he has plausible deniability. You can't convict on suspicion or gut-feelings.
Unless you can produce incriminating-evidence, he can continue to deny it. You can't be sure if you're right or wrong. How can you marry a man you don't trust?
He has been snappy and off with you. There was a time when he showed you no affection, and he kept weird work hours. He offered no explanation or reassurance. That doesn't seem like a man who wants to get married. Whether he cheated or not.
Without evidence, all you've got is distrust and suspicion.
Can you still marry him? Empty ultimatums and idle-threats are like pelting him with cotton balls. In this case, you have to go by how you're being treated as his woman, and as the mother of his child. If you don't feel loved and respected; then you have a decision to make. Can you exchange vows with all this suspicion in the back of your mind?
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (21 January 2023):
 It kind of sounds like there was something going on with this snap chat person, then for whatever reason things ended, maybe she finished things with him and he crawled back to you, who knows.
The problem now is the trust barrier has been broken, and once this happens the damage is often irreparable. Trust is the most important contributing factor that binds a relationship together, without trust a relationship is doomed .
You need to have a long hard think if you want this relationship yo continue. Its no life for anyone looking over your shoulder 24/7, wondering who that text is from, where are they when that are 20 minutes late home from work. These feelings can drive one to dispare, and will end up making us ill.
So, can you trust him and both move on with your lives without you suspecting his every move?.
If not, then maybe its time call it a day and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 January 2023):
 I told him to tell the truth or we’re finished. "
Here is the thing with ultimatums... Unless you stick with it, it's useless. It only teaches him to know you will bluff.
You know in your gut what went on. You know he likely cheated. Snapchat is a "cheater's dream" to communicate on, as they don't save after viewing. So if it was an innocent friendship why didn't he use "normal" texting?
You say he is your fiance, but I'd say this, you should NOT marry him until this is sorted. DO NOT rug sweep this.
Do NOT pretend all is well and all is forgiven because it's not.
I think you two ought to seek some pre-marital counseling or couples counseling. And HE needs to be 100% honest. Which, by the by, I doubt he ever will be.
You don't NEED proof to know when someone is being shady.
I'm not saying leave him, but I am saying that if you two don't get it out in the open, he will likely cheat again and see HER again, maybe under a different account or name.
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