A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last night I had a horrible dream that I was arguing with my girlfriend's father, and at the end of the argument I seem to remember hitting my girlfriend in the face (I don't know if it was intentional or accidental, but frightening nonetheless!). I'm not generally a hot headed person and I definitely don't have violent tendencies. I've never attacked another human being in my life and much less a female. My girlfriends father is the kinda guy who sees no man as ever being good enough for his daughter, to say we don't get along is a little exaggerated, we are civil to each other most of the time, but we just don't have any kind of bond going on or nothing in common. My girlfriend on the other hand is very close to him, so she confides in him about most things going on in her life, and sometimes if me and her run into some kind of turmoil in the relationship, as we have just recently, I'm the first one he gets on the phone to and begins getting mouthy with and insulting towards when he's drunk. Even if said "turmoil" is something that wasn't my fault or out of my control. He'll often tell my girlfriend I'm no good and I'm *insert insult here*, but then that's when my girlfriend draws the line and she won't speak to him again until he's sober. Conveniently at that point he doesn't remember a thing. It isn't just me he's like this with though, he's been this way with all my girlfriends ex's, ever since she began dating. He's even insulting and horrible to my girlfriend and her mother (his own wife) at times when he's drunk. I woke up this morning feeling in bit of a depressed state over this dream, and I can't let my girlfriend know about it because I can't even begin to imagine how it would make her feel. I guess I'm just looking for other people's views on this alarming dream I had, and whether or not it could have just been due to stress or anxiety. Then hopefully put it to the back of my mind and chin up as the day goes on so it doesn't affect anyone else. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2015): Hi and thank you all for the replies, they make a lot of sense and have been very helpful in easing my mind over this. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 Basic dream interpretation would say you have some pent up feelings and need to constructively release them regarding the ongoing frustrations with her father. My advice is to initiate a meeting between you the girl and her parents and sort this out civil way. This would be very masculine and also show the family you are serious about the girl. The action alone may help earn trust from her father. gd luck
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 I don't often say this, but I'm pretty sure I know exactly what your dream means, especially after reading your entire post twice.
Before I tell you what it means, let me tell you what it DOESN'T mean: It does not mean that you have ingrown aggression against your girlfriend. Quite the opposite in fact, so be at peace that this doesn't mean that you're some kind of monster who could be a danger to her.
In fact, it means the opposite. Dreams are a subconscious way of your brain working out a problem in your life. In this case, your dream means that you want to stop her dad from hurting you, her, and your relationship.
The part about you hitting her and not knowing whether it's an accident or not is very clearly you worrying that if you mix it up with her dad verbally or emotionally, that you will hurt her as collateral damage. In fact, your dream was your subconscious trying to PROTECT her from the fallout between you and her father. It's warning you that there's no way you can become openly combative with her dad without hurting her in some way.
You had the type of dream a GOOD man has.
You need to tell her not to feed your dad's hostility towards you if your relationship is to have any sort of future together. That's an immature mistake that destroys relationships that might have otherwise had a lifetime's chance together, because if a person vents to their parents about relationship issues (I'm NOT talking about domestic violence or seriously terrifying behavior), then even though say you two resolve the issue, the attitude that the people she or you vent to doesn't change. For example, if I were to complain to my mom that I hate the way my husband gets really into election season and starts shouting at how awful the opposing candidates are, I may feel initially better about venting to my mom, and it may have just been that I had a bad hair day, but her prejudice gets formed and shaped against my husband...permanently. Likewise, if he vents to his parents all the details about an argument he and I had with each other, they'll be naturally biased towards him, and after he and I reconciled, they'd still be pissed at me and will hold that against me for a long time.
People wonder why there are in-law issues in marriage without realizing that using parents as a vent for every petty squabble or gossip is permanently harming the in-law/spouse relationship.
You need to tell your dream to her, and tell her that she's destroying your relationship by not respecting its privacy when the two of you have a disagreement. I'm not talking about the major stuff, because if you were cheating on her or hitting her, those ARE the things to confide about. But arguing over which restaurant to consider or some off-balance sexual encounter is OFF-LIMITS to anyone but between the two of you.
She needs to know that, or it's a red flag. She's sanctioning his attacks on you when he gets drunk. Tell her that you cannot have someone like this as an in-law, especially if he gets drunk and verbally and emotionally abuses you in front of your future children. That CAN NOT happen. You see now how dangerous it is to using parents as a venting toilet for every relationship conflict now?
What she is doing is a red flag. If she doesn't change it, you're hurting yourself by staying with her, and your dream is your warning to you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 Ok here's what I think.
You were arguing with the father because you cant stand him in general because of the way that he is. He's a mean drunk, he doesn't like you and he doesn't behave well with his daughter either. So you arguing with him makes sense.
As regards hitting your girlfriend, I think that you haven't channelized your anger at the situation with her father in the right way. Perhaps you've never expressed your anger to her or to anyone but just kept it bottled inside you, which erupted in your dream. In no way does this mean that you're a violent person, its just a dream and this particular one was an expression of your frustration towards a situation which you have no control over. You're probably very angry with your girlfriend at a subconscious level because she shares everything with her father and given the kind of person that he is, you don't want her to do that.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 August 2015):
"What is unreal can no more produce something real than what is dirty can produce something clean. Dreams, divination, and omens are all nonsense. You see in them only what you want to see."
If you are not the kind of person in your dream, then why are letting it bother you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2015): She shouldn't be sharing all your arguments with her parents.She can confide in friends etc but inviting parents into your 'issues' is asking for trouble. Even when you've made up, they'll be keeping score and will start to resent you.
Short of avoiding upsetting her at all, (unreasonable ask) I don't see how else YOU can fix this.
It's up to her to either keep her mouthy father out of it, or kiss goodbye to any romantic relationship.
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