A
female
age
36-40,
*issprissybk
writes: I cant seem to shake that feeling of emptiness in the pits of my stomach, like something is definetly missing. I have had this same hallow spot for the last 5 years after breaking up with the love of my life (at the time) he constantly cheated on me with several girl however, we were both young (19). I remember how devestated I was once I decided enough was enough, after consulting with my friends(at the time) they all suggested that I "leave him" he doesnt deserve you they said... Looking back now where was the love? No one even suggested we try talking it out, or even try some form of mediation...And as simple as that we were over. I ended up meeting another guy who doesn't cheat on me, but does lack any sense of urgency, or even responsibility, he's not motivated, and I definetly DO not see us growing together at all, I'm growing but he's stagnant. The sad part is everyone will suggest that I do not leave him, "he is so nice" they say, and for the last few months I cannot seem to shake this feeling of me losing out on something that could have very erll been wonderful. My ex now has a kid, and I think Im still in love with him, or is it the mere fact that what my current boyfriend lacks my ex possess. Im falling totally out of love with my current boyfriend, he lives with me, we have been together for 5 years. He proposed to me without a ring 3 years ago, and still hasn't gotten one yet.At least 2 times a day I have to ask myself this question.....DID I MAKE A MISTAKE?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): I think if you have feelings for your first love that you really shouldn't be with boyfriend 2. Be alone and explore the possability that maybe you and boyfriend 1 might be meant to be. Follow your heart!!! I know , I've been reunited with my first love and it's been 23 years!! It's so complicated now with kids and ex's and a current wife. Don't wait 23 years to see if something's meant to be. The worst thing that could happen is you could find out the two of you could be close friends and that's not all bad. First love's are hard to break so follow your heart. And let me know on here how it's going!
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Best thing I can tell you is don't listen to anyone - even us - when it comes to what you really should or shouldn't do in a relationship. You're saying now no ones said this or that to you, but no one can say that because its your relationship and no one really knows what goes on between 2 people. I have the wierdest marriage. We hardly see each other, do our own thing, but it works for us. Now my friends all say its not a proper relationship, would chop his head off, wouldn't allow this or that - but they're not us!!!! They don't know whats good for us. They're not walking in our shoes. So just do whatever feels right to you. There are no coincidences or mistakes, so everything is right for you at that time, whether we like it or not. Its something we need to learn and that person is helping us to learn it, thats why we attracted them into our lives. I don't know what you should do in this situation, but it sounds to me like you left the first man because of what other people said, like theres unfinished business there. Maybe you need to deal with that first before you can move on. As for everyone saying the other man is lovely - thats their perception of him, not yours. Like I said at the beginning, listen to yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): I think you ended your previous relationship for all the right reasons, and as far as I can tell didn't make any mistakes. He cheated, not once but several times and that's plenty good enough reasons to end it with someone.
I don't think you're staying in your current relationship for any good reason. You don't see a future together so either something's got to change - ie. him - or you need to end it.
I wonder if you've actually told this new guy that he needs to get his arse in gear. A three-year engagement without any sign of setting a date doesn't show all that much commitment. Talk to him, set out your stall and explain to him that you're not happy and explain in no uncertain terms why not.
He may pull himself up by his bootstraps or he may carry on as normal. Based on the way he reacts over the next few weeks and months it should give you an indication as to whether you've got a long-term future together or not.
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