A
female
age
30-35,
*upcakefrosting28
writes:So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now. I'm 19 and he is 21. The one consistent problem we have had is the fact that I can't seem to get over his past. He has told me he has slept with 7 girls and has also been engaged to one of them. I have never been with anyone sexually but him. He will always make comments about how he is jealous person and loves the fact that I was a virgin when I met him. Well I don't exactly feel the same. I don't feel special in that way to him. He has taken the virginities of other girls so I just don't see why I am any different. I know this shouldn't be a problem but for some reason it is. I've looked on this website before and have seen other girls feel the same way. I'm just curious how they have dealt with it.I should probably add this in too. The reason we got in a fight today was because I went to my gyno today for a regular check up and they asked me if I wanted to get a STD test. I said ok and when I told my boyfriend he flipped out. He told me that I don't trust him enough to believe he is clean. But he has told me about how he didn't always use a condom and sometimes we don't either so I was just doing what I thought was a good idea....apparently not.Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you :)
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female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (24 March 2011):
 First of all, you need to tell your boyfriend to calm down about the testing thing. It is a good idea for EVERY couple to get tested. I was a virgin when I met my fiance, but he wasn't. We BOTH got tested after deciding to have sex. It's the a safe practice.As far as your jealousy over his past. I've been there, done that. Although I was mainly jealous over one girl in particular. He's only had two other sexual partners other than me in his life. What you need to do with your boyfriend is TALK to him about it. Tell him about your insecurities and let him help you work through them. Letting the insecurities build up until they become unbearable is the last thing you want to do. Trust me. Not to mention, getting words of reassurance might help to ease your mind. My fiance's ex was also a virgin when he met her, so I didn't feel like our first time was special either. However, when I mentioned it to him, he said that he thinks she lied about being a virgin, and when I think about it, that's probably the case. She's a very manipulative person and lies about a lot of things. So I've let a lot of that go.What you need to remember is that the sex is important and meaningful for him with you because it is WITH YOU. He didn't decide to sleep with you and be with you for a year because he wanted to still pine for them or think about them. Try and compare all you want, but if a guy is unhappy with his sex life, he will make it known by NOT being with you. Believe me. Just open up to him and talk to him about all of these thoughts in your head. As someone who loves you, he will hate to see you suffering, especially over something that's so trivial for him, so I'm sure he'd be happy to clarify a lot of things for you. Good luck.
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