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age
36-40,
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writes: I'm 23, in a good job, enjoying life generally. However, the one thing that I can't seem to get is a relationship.Some women seem to think I'm a gay man just because I'm sensitive, kind and caring - however, it's my personality and that's the way I naturally am.How can I meet nice women who want a relationship?I know the bar/club scene is probably a non-starter, even though you do hear of people who've had successful relationships this way.Every time I meet a woman they always say they have a boyfriend, but I've no way of verifying whether it's genuine or not.Even if a woman likes me (which very rarely happens) and says they're single, I still have doubts about if it's genuine or if they're winding me up - which I feel I shouldn't have.I do generally like older women (5 - 12 years older than me in general) - is that odd? I don't want people to ridicule me for it.I feel like I have no confidence in having a relationship, I'm good at making friendships, but never get any further than that, always ending up in the "friend zone" (if there is even such a thing).Anyone know how I can become more confident with relationships, as I have good social skills, but I feel am very lacking in this area, and I want a relationship for my own reasons, not just to "have a girlfriend" or fit in with the crowd.All advice is welcomed.Thanks.
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male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (29 June 2009):
I only brought up acting gay because you've said that girls have mistaken you for a gay male. Of course that could also be because they don't feel like you're trying to get into their pants every second of every day.
No, it's not something you can see but first impressions mean everything to a person. Their first impression of you is why I would assume that they think you are gay, or not a good match. It's very hard to change someones perception of you.
There are excellent web sites created to meet people, and you'll find that you can make subtle changes in your personality so that first impressions of you change.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHolikdad, thanks for your advice.
I know we're all different.
I suppose having a type of character isn't something that you can see is it?
As for acting "gay", I'm not sure how being polite and kind equates to it... or even how it's connected to metrosexuality.
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A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 It is good to see you have goals and have gotten yourself to a place where you are happy in your life. Now to find someone to share that with! Most of us at twenty three are not quite where you are in there life so it is understandable that you are looking for an older women who may be more established herself but worrying about what other people think about your choice of a mate (age or looks) say a lot. You shouldn't worry so mcuh about how they perceive. If it pleases you and your companion what difference does it make what they think. If you are worried about ridicule due to the fact perhaps there is still some growing up for you to do because honestly those who meddle in other peoples relationships aren't worth the time of day. It takes time for barriers to come down to the point where we become best friends with someone and trust them completely. Don't rush it and don't worry about the pace. Just be who you are and enjoy your time with whom ever you keep company. If it is meant to develop you will see it doing so on a greater level. All relationships that survive are based on great friendship so don't discount the fact that you are good at making friends-it is a great start. If you do find someone whom you think "may" be a potential mate let down some of your own guards and see if you can connect a a deeper level. Often a time women have emotional barriers that are hard to get through. By opening yourself up to her and showing that you are willing to take the risk and leave yourself vulnerable she will be more willing to do the same. Best of Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Gina, I may try that if my city has any such events.
I just don't get why women mistake me for being a gay man, particularly as that stereotype is so cliched, and could be seen as homophobic.
That advice was very helpful.
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A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (29 June 2009):
Even if you can or can not verify if the girl you just met really has a boyfriend would it make any difference? If she doesn't are you going to stalk her?? No, so if she say's she has a BF that's just her polite way of saying she's not interested. At least respect them for that and don't make them tell you "Buzz off jerk!".
You're what we call a "Metrosexual". This is pretty much a guy who acts like he's gay, but he's not. Contrary to how our society thinks this is just a wonderful thing, it's not, you still have to have respect for yourself. Being confident and respectful of who you are as a person can change your being in a way that women will respond.
Nobody here will be able to tell you how to meet that special someone, because it's different for everyone. Every girl likes something different in the men they date or have relationships with. I'll give you an example, I've met a few girls who think it's the sexiest thing if a man has a beard or facial hair, and I've met others who think it's "gross" or unclean. Everyone is different.
When you go out with friends try having more confidence in yourself. If women think you're gay then they'll only see you as friend material. So, stop acting gay. :)
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