A
female
age
36-40,
*inxy085
writes:Hello all, so I am going to apologize in advance for the length of my story/question. Anyway, so I recently started college last fall and I met this guy in December. We were at a party in the dorms and we were drinking and having a good time and we both went out to smoke together. While we were out there he hugged me and because I was drunk I nuzzled his neck a little at which point he kissed me. We went back up to the party and he didn't leave my side the whole night. I ended up staying because I was a little drunk and honestly I just really wanted to and we ended up having sex. So after that he started hanging out with me all the time and we were inseparable. The only problem was I had a boyfriend. I didn't want to break up with my boyfriend for this new guy because I was worried he wasn't going to be serious about a relationship. So we just kind of stayed in limbo for a whole and we kept hanging out almost everyday and we continued to have sex. Then he went home for Christmas break and he was gone for two weeks. We texted back and forth the whole time he was gone from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed and he even told me he loved me. So then he came home and I went to see him the day he came back. We spent the night together since it was New Year's Eve and I started to get the feeling he wasn't interested as much as he used to be. I know he had a problem with our age difference because he thought his mom wouldn't approve of him dating someone 8 years older than him but he said he talked to her over break and she seemed ok with it. So then 2 days after our amazing New Year's Eve he just goes totally cold. Nothing at all coming from his side. We were never dating so we didn't officially break up but he just stopped everything and told me he wasn't ready for a relationship but then he started going after this other girl in our class and she shot him down and then he asked out this other girl and she also shot him down. He told me when we were still involved that he feels like he needs a relationship al the time because otherwise he feels really down because of his past. So after that everything got really awkward between us and we were barely talking for about a week and then one of our mutual friends made us sit down and talk and he said he doesn't have feelings for me beyond friendship and that he wasn't ready for a relationship (even though he kept going after other girls). So we agreed to just be friends. I can't get over my feelings for him though and so I decided to try the whole "no contact" thing to see if maybe that would make him realize what he was missing. So I pulled away and stopped texting him and liking his posts on Facebook and tried to limit any contact at school. So now he is sending me mixed messages. First he told me I had to come to dinner at his house because he was cooking dinner for a mutual friend whose birthday it was. This was a nice change from him not wanting to even be in the same room as me before. Also he has been talking to me more and I keep catching him staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking. A couple other things he has done within the last week after I pulled away was when we were at dinner he started asking me if I was ok and he said I looked like I had something on my mind and when I told a friend of mine that I wouldn't be able to have lunch with her he got a really sad look on his face and said "what about having lunch with me?" Then just today he ran up to talk to me while I was at my locker and he kept following me and when I said I had to go he made the same sad face and said "no, where do you have to go?" So now I'm really confused. I don't know what he wants or what he is feeling. I don't know if by reading into these signs I'm just grasping at straws or if his feelings are real. I'm just really confused and heartbroken and all I really want right now is to have things back the way they were before.
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female
reader, Jinxy085 +, writes (2 February 2013):
Jinxy085 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't tell my boyfriend at the time about what happened. My boyfriend and I were together for about a year but it always felt more like a friendship than an actual relationship. I was with the new guy for about a month and a half. I spent the night by the new guys house all the time. Mostly because he asked me to. I live relatively close to the new guy. Not in the same dorm though, I have an apartment.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): Did you tell the boyfriend what happened, were you two together for a long time? And where do you live now close to your friend? Did you ever sleep over at the friends place? Second poster again.
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A
female
reader, Jinxy085 +, writes (1 February 2013):
Jinxy085 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, and I forgot to mention one other thing. He told both of the other girls he went after about our situation and asked them if they would date someone who was 8 years older than them. I thought it was kind of odd that he would be telling other girls he was going after about me.
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A
female
reader, Jinxy085 +, writes (1 February 2013):
Jinxy085 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, also to reply to the second posters questions. We only ever went to his house at the dorms because I lived with my boyfriends. He asked to come to my place a couple times.
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A
female
reader, Jinxy085 +, writes (1 February 2013):
Jinxy085 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you input. I did break up with my boyfriend at the beginning of the year. He wasn't too upset about it. We never had any type of chemistry as lovers. We are still friends though.
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 This guy seems to be undecided and he himself does not know what he wants. Please, don't read into these signs too much as all he wants maybe only to keep you in his net and not let you go. He wants your attention, he wants to keep you in his life and at the same time he will date other girls. He thinks only of himself and he's playing with your feelings. If he has asked other girls out, it means that he did not take your relationship seriously and it was just a fling. And what about your boyfriend? The fact that you've developed feelings for this guy and you cheated on him show that you don't love him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): Did you break up with your boyfriend? If not you should. As for the guy I think he's not ready for a relationship all he wants is to know that your there if he wants to. Him talking to other women shows that he's not ready for more than a good time, and if your not willing to just do that then you should not bother with him. Do you go to the same class as him and live in the same dorm? I not has he ever been to your place or has it just been at his place?
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