| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I had an awful fight with a friend a couple months ago. Her and her boyfriend came over to collect stuff they were owed. Initially it was over money that I owed her ($15). It's true, I had not paid them back for something, but it was something that I sincerely forgot about. They hadn't brought it up in over a month though I see them every day. They also came to collect a book which I had borrowed from her and had not given back. I was in the wrong definitely. I payed them back and gave them back the book and I apologized. I lived on the same street as them. She and her boyfriend regularly borrowed things from me and often left things at my house since we eat dinner pretty often together. Pretty much at some point every week, I was always bringing back her glasses or her wallet or her ipod that she left behind at my house. The fight started when her boyfriend accused me of "stealing". I got angry and tried to defend myself, I was surprised to find she went along with him. She accused me of "having boundary issues" and then she simulataneously complained that I never "came over anymore." ???I could see she felt that she felt taken advantage of and because of this she didn't trust me. I could even empathize with why she might think that...But she obviously had pent up anger about it. When I asked her why she hadn't told me I had been doing things that had bothered her, she said, "It was your responsiblity to know." She is right to a degree, but what upsets me is that sometimes I had wondered if I had been imposing on her and I when I had asked her and her boyfriend if I was trouble, they both always said no.I was angry too about the way they approached me. She said she wanted to talk about it, but at the time I told her I was really too angry to have a productive conversation. When we finally did meet up to talk about it, it seemed like this argument over the money was just the tip of the iceberg for her. She said, she felt like my friendship with her was "not productive." I told her, "Well I don't feel that way about you and I value your friendship very highly...that's why I'm trying to talk to you about it".I started to cry and she then said, "Just forget everything I said...let's not talk about it again." The rest of the conversation was productive and I think I understand why she felt the way she did...But since it happened, I really have trouble trusting her. That was probably the worst and more hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. Am I being too literal? Is this something I should forgive more easily?Since the argument, I really have trouble spending time with her. I have made an effort to keep things between us clean money wise. I don't borrow from her ever. I don't ask her for favors. (She still occassional has borrowed from me and asked me for favors) We hardly see each other. I really hate the way things ended up. I really like her. I thinks she's one of the most brilliant people I know and it hurts everytime I think about what happened. Lately she tells me that "I need my friends." I think she is referring to herself.But I really have trouble getting over this fight and the things that were said. Advice or people who have been through similar experiences?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 She obviously had these feeling built up inside of her for a long time and she probably said things that she might regret. However if the both of you have made up then you should be thankful that the friendship has been saved many people fall out over silly arguments like this and it is the end of the friendship which can be very sad. I guess now you just need to be more aware that if you borrow something to return it and also never borrow money of friends it always causes trouble.
I honestly think the best thing you can do here is try to forget about it, its in the past and it should be left there. Just move on with your life now and try to rebuild your friendship with each other.
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