A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am having a baby with my boyfriend and I'm having serious trust issues due to his past behaviour and my own.A few months ago, pre-pregnancy, my boyfriend (we are both in our mid to late 20s) of 2 years months kissed a girl at a club while he was drunk. This girl was someone who he had a crush on many years ago, like a decade ago. He then took her out to the movies days later - he said he realised he was not attracted to her anymore but hadn't seen her for years and wanted to see if the feelings were still there (um hello you have a girlfriend!). He dropped her off home and kissed her good night. He told me both these kisses were just pecks, which may or may not be true.I'm pretty confused as to what to do - he did not tell me this, I found it out because he was acting oddly at dinner one night about two weeks after the events. I asked him who he was texting, he mentioned a womans name I'd never heard. I asked him if she knew he had a g/f, he said yes. Later on the way home from dinner I asked again if this woman knew he had a g/f and he said no. My spidey sense was off the ritcher by this point. He said he would text her to say he had a g/f and he did. She in fact had seen him at a club a week after the movie date and was texting him asking him why he had ignored her. Long story short I checked his phone against his wishes in front of him and she text back "oops my bad we kissed then" and the story came out. He said it was a mistake he just didn't want to think about again. I text her (she was a very nice girl/woman btw, didn't know a thing about me and felt quite bad) and she confirmed his version of events. We came very close to breaking up but I thought I could get over it as it was just a kiss - the movie date bothers me more honestly.I've known about this kiss for months, but I can't get past it. We had at the time and currently do have a rocky relationship due to the unplanned pregnancy, but I never believed he would kiss someone else. He swears it will never happen again and says it was a mistake and he is definetly no longer attracted to her - there is no contact between them. I just feel like there must be something wrong with us if he was looking for sparks with an old flame. What happens when the next old flame blows into town? I truly believe our relationship has amazing passion and chemistry, now I'm worried he's cheating on me and constantly checking his email etc looking to see if he is. Nothing has been found which you'd think would make me happy but it doesnt. I just keep digging and turn things that are harmless into dramas.Should I try to put this kiss behind me and move on in my relationship? He has never cheated on anyone before, I on the other hand am a former serial cheater (which in part I know feeds my distrust of him - I know how easy it is to cheat and say nothing to your partner) He has sex only with an emotional connection, so I feel like I don't need to worry about him sleeping with someone else, but isn't a kiss bad enough? I don't want to spend the rest of our relationship constantly snooping and questioning him - I don't want to drive him away or into the arms of another woman inadvertantly! I should also mention we live together now, and we didn't when he kissed her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): for me that is so very serious like me,. i saw many times my bf in the house of his ex girlfriend,. much better we decide a right decision to brake him,. anytime he will do that again at your back,. like my boyfriend always do,.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 As a mother of 2 and expecting again, I know that these types of situations fall in a far more intense level of worry than if you were not carrying child. At this delicate stage in your life, you are thinking "I need a solid confermation that he will always be honest, kind, understanding, supportive, and THERE for me and the child". And with this in his history books, you are probably having nightmares about him being unfaithful, (I know I did, and mine has always been faithful). So what now? Well, having that discussion about how you are worried he will do this again is important, but I also think you should prepare for the worst (even if the worst dosnt happen, better to be prepared!) Keep some options open as far as what you will do if he dosnt pull through as a faithful partner. Is that something you can adjust to, and forgive him for, again? (Because, lets face it, he made a date with another female while being with you. Kiss or no kiss, it is unfaithful). I am not saying he will do it again, but be prepared for it. Tell him that it is worrying you to a point where you cant just adjust to the idea. Ask him if he would be okay with you dating someone else while with him, and how would he deal with it? It is important to try to make things work out, especially if he has really learned from the mistake. Seems you really have strong feelings for him, so expain what this is doing to you, and be prepared! Congrads, by the way. Having children is a huge accomplishment!
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A
female
reader, nicole5178 +, writes (7 August 2008):
 I think he truely doesn't have feelings for her since he ignored her after he saw her after he took her on the movie date... if that makes sense. I also think he might not know the gravity of his taking her out. From the way you described it, it sounds like he's liable to do the whole thing over again with someone else. I suggest letting him know that it's still bothering you and talking it out with him. If you just have a long, heartfelt discussion, I think you'll find the answers you're looking for. Then you can work on moving past it.
Hope that helped you! Let me know how everything goes...
x Nicole.
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