A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Its been a year and a half since my ex moved in with his mistress. He didn't tell me about it, I found out about it. He knew I was pregnant when he left. He said he wanted to still have a relationship with me, I asked him flat out do you want to date me or her? He said he didn't know....so I told him I was going to make his decision for him. Never to talk to me or this child again (I prefer not to say the sex, just in case he actually reads this) I told his mistress (even though she confessed to me her first husband cheated on her, and she was a home wrecker, and it takes a lot of hypocrisy to date someone who already had a family, and the fact she could do to another woman what was done to her.....makes her just as bad as the other woman) trouble is he left on a job that was temporary and is set to come back in September this year. I have tried to move on, but I would be lying if I said there are times its always on my mind. I get so worked out up about it, I have panic attacks and my doctor put me on Xanax. But the truth of the matter is I am scared. Help!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Was this your husband? There are support groups for divorcees..you get to meet a lot of women and men in your situation. It helps to talk it out with people who are going through the same thing.
Also, if you're more of a private person..I would suggest personal therapy, from a non-judgemental third party person, they're licensed professionals so they can offer exercises and tips to move forward with your life.
A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (21 January 2011):
I have a good friend who made some stupid choices and while married, had an affair and she (mistress) ended up pregnant (with twins no less). He and his wife made the decision to work it out.
Since then the mistress had the babies which are now 6 months old and she (mistress) has done nothing but make every attempt from letting him see his children. Court battle after court battle. Like you, she wants his wife nowhere near them, much less raising them. Yet she wants child support from him.
While I understand that you are in a situation opposite of this since you are not the mistress I still think that it is a very sad situation when the parents can't get along. Not for the parents, but for the children.
I would take him to court for child support, that IS his responsibility but that usually doesn't go without visitation. Hey, if he chooses not to be an active part in their lives then there you go.
No matter what, you don't have to let him back in YOUR life per say and you shouldn't. There are so many good men out there you just need to find yours :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Viccra for your answer,I do want to say that I will tell my child about their father, but it may be with negative undertones. I offered to have him part of his childs life, but in no way was the mistress going to be a part in raising this child (this was after 4 miscarriages in the 4 years). I guess my panic attacks stem from him coming back into my life. I don't trust him, and since he has not paid a dime in child support, I don't want him to try and have a relationship with us. I want to move on. If my child truly wants to know him at 18, then they can make that decision. But I see it as my ex chose his mistress and her kid over ours.
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A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (21 January 2011):
I guess I am unclear of why you are having panic attacks? Is it because he is coming back? Because you get worked up because you aren't together anymore?
First off, you are the one who chose to leave which I think was a good decision. I don't agree with the attitude that you don't want him around your child though. That really isn't your decision. That baby is just as much his as it is yours.
Second, BREATH! This is a situation that you can't control do don't try to. You will drive yourself crazy!
I would like to tell you a magical way to move on but there really isn't one other than time. But the best thing for you would be to go out and have some fun. Go on a few dates. When you have something else to focus on you will begin to let go.
Good luck!
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