A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been with my girlfriend for a pretty good amount of time. I am a hundred percent in love with her and I think she is perfect for me, except, she still talks to her ex, who she has dated much longer than I have. In the beginning of our relationship she promised that she wanted nothing to do with him and didn't want to talk to him. I preferred this and we didn't have any problems until a little bit later into our relationship. I found out they were talking again and I asked her about this and she said that it is just small talk and I have nothing to worry about. I believed her and asked her just to tell me whenever she would talk to him. I never asked any questions like what did they talk about or whatever but I know her IM password.One day before I knew it I guessed it and I saw she was talking to him. It was only small talk but it was still uncomfortable. So I let it go thinking that she would tell me later on when we talked but she never did. I asked her when the last time she has talked to her ex the following day and she lied right to my face. This really hurt me. Her ex is in a band or whatever and apparently they're pretty good. So today she casually brought up how she might wanna go to one of his shows. I told her that it would bother me and I think she got a little mad. She probably thinks I am insecure but in my defense I don't talk to my ex at all and she has lied right to my gave before. Am I crossing the line here? Or is she being unreasonable. It makes me very upset that she would want to go see her ex boyfriend play a show even though she knows I wouldn't like it. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Your gf probably lied in your face because she was afraid of you finding out and getting upset like now. Firstly, you shouldn't have checked her IM. That isn't respecting her privacy. Secondly, it's probably stifling if she has to tell you everytime she talks to her ex. It gives her the feeling that you're over-possessive/doesn't trust her.
The fact that she's telling you she might want to see her ex's band perform is her way if telling you their relationship is simply platonic. If you're worried why not suggest accompanying her? It would make you appear to be supportive of her actions and a signal to her that you trust her. Adopt a more positive attitude! She wouldn't be with you if she didn't love you.
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Why not suggest going along to the show together? You can't stop her going and you can't stop her talking to her ex. I understand why you're feeling uncomfortable about all this but you have to try and remind yourself that she's with you because she wants you. Nobody else. The more you're on her case about this the more you'll push her away. Try to explain without sounding confrontational that her behaviour is upsetting you and you'd like it if she could consider having less contact with her ex. Good luck
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