A
male
age
41-50,
*nrequited1
writes:So the happiest day in my life came when the woman I have been in love with for 5 years decided she wanted to start a relationship with me as soon as I moved to the area. One month later, a week before I moved, she informed me that she had decided instead to start a relationship with someone else. I have tried to go no contact and give myself time to adjust ... granted it has only been a week and a half, but I am having such a very hard time just letting her go when she claims to be in love with someone else .... still going through my head how she told me that I was the perfect man for her just one month ago, and then before we could even begin to start a relationship she forgoes it all for this new man ... even wanted me to meet him, so I could give her my opinion of him ... worst mistake ever I did, where can I find the strength to man up, and accept that this woman only wants me as a friend, and not desire to have her in my life as anything more. She still claims to love me and says she needs me in her life.I know time will help, but 5 years hasn't done the trick, I can't seem to completely kick her out of my life, and I can't seem to move forward. Please, help me to let her go so I can move on with my life.
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male
reader, unrequited1 +, writes (16 July 2009):
unrequited1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJason X, you are correct I know you are ... time will help with this and I will move on. Oh how it sucks waiting for that time to pass, and even more knowing how long it is likely to suck for. I think one problem I am having is accepting the anger I feel towards her, not wanting to be mad, and not being able to justify not being angry ... if I could find some way to look at this other than a betrayal, the feeling that she never gave us a chance, almost like she never really wanted it, and was just using it to keep me as a crutch in her life. As silly as this is, and pointless to boot, I do not want to be mad at her, I refuse to think that she did this with the intention of hurting me, but cannot see any consideration that she put into my feelings by doing this. Enough of my whining already though, you are correct, I need to give time the chance to work its magic and let me move forward, I need to keep myself occupied with other things, and I need to keep my distance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I'm sure you have given her a lot of friendship and you are doing the best you can to cope with your feelings for her. But after so long I think it is time to see about yourself for now. If you can't be a friend then don't force yourself to be. You don't have to give her friendship in false hope that she falls for you, and you don't have to fear a future which has not happened, so you do not need to make excuses for yourself as well.
Get mad, get angry, get sad, you don't have to hide it. If she comes calling and u aren't strong enough then tell her so. If you want more, then tell her that as well. A true friend understands and is there for you no matter what. But if you avoid contact with her for as long as possible, this will help you get over her. Time heals all (with the will to move forward)
Good luck to you. Hope something works out.
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A
male
reader, unrequited1 +, writes (15 July 2009):
unrequited1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasschick, while I thank you for the advice, this situation is slightly different from what you have described. We have had sex, she is aware of my feelings for her. While she may not actually be in love with me, she has said differently, her family has said differently, and she did say that she wanted to be with me in a relationship just a little over a month ago. The other three replies are a lot closer, I know that I will meet other women and move on, and I need to stop making excuses for her decisions and accept that the decisions have been made. The hit to my ego that she chose someone else without giving our relationship a shot one week before it would have started coupled with the length of this relationship, the fact that everyone who has seen us together has commented on the the feelings that are apparently only felt by one of us, make this difficult. I would like to maintain a friendship, but do not know if I can. I know that overall you all are right, I need to get out there, meet other women, and let this one go ... I just fear that in a month or two when she comes calling that I will not be ready to be "just a friend", not strong enough to be anything less, and not ready for anything more either
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 You have been in love with her for 5 years but you never once mentioned what her feelings for you were or what your actual relationship was like? It sounds like you were friends and you fell in love but she didn't. Then you assumed that since she was moving to your area, things would just magically go in that direction. However if she's only seen you as a friend all along, then you have unfortunately set yourself up for a big heart break. You never said anything about dating her, having sex with her, or being in a 'couples' sort of relatinship. She may have told you she loved you, but we also love our brothers; that doesn't mean we want to be intimate with them. You may have hoped she would eventually feel the same about you but if you stay in the holding pattern of "friend" for very long (5 years is a long time) she will never see you as boyfriend material. Sorry. I do hope you can get over her and move on. I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I think the thing that wont allow you to let go is the fact that she chose someone else. It's not only the fact that you love her but your ego had been hit too. There is no easy way to solve this but you have to help yourself. If she said that she still wants to remain friends with you, then be happy. Remember you were in love with her for 5 years..that was a long time. It means whats happening now with her and this guy may not last forever, but at least you are still friends with her. In the meantime, enjoy the friendship, get on with your life. Just wish her the best.Goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I agree with Christina. You CAN move on. It is a choice u make for yourself. Life isn't over, it still goes on. You can def get over her if you begin to meet other girls. Stop treating her like your gf because she isn't. And its clear she does not deserve someone like you.
I mean do u rly wanna be with a girl who changed her mind this fast? Then acts like everything is ok with you? NO! :P
You tried man. But it takes 2 to tango. So get out there and start meeting another dance partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): hey im christina..
i know wat ur going thru
its sux when u cant get over someone
especially when uve liked em for so long
so my advice would be to hang out at bars or places with a lot of people prefferably, women lol..seeing other women will take ur mind of of her and hold bak if she calls or trys to contact u at least sometimes..so that she thinks ur too busy with ur life and shell find that curious so she might call more than ever which could be tempting but dont give in..
flirt with other women..try ur best to distact urself from this woman..and i guarentee that ull soon find someone else it might take some time but at least ull be doing something else other than thinking of her =]
i wish the best to u
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