| A
age
36-40,
*
writes: Okay I will try to make my story as short as possible. I went out with this guy for one year last year. We broke up in December so it's been about 6 months since the break up. He always texted me about twice a month asking me how I'm doing. Sometimes I would respond hoping it will lead to getting back together and sometimes I wouldn't respond thinking all he wanted was to be friends, but unfortunately I cannot just be friends with him because I still have feelings for him and being friends with him would just be too hard and make it harder for me to move on. About 2 weeks ago he texted me again as usual to ask how I'm doing and I decided to answer. I told him I had a bad relationship experience. Texting was getting annoying so I called him to talk easier and we ended up talking for an hour and he asked me to hang out that night and I accepted it of course. So that was the first time we hung out after the break up which was about two weeks ago. When I got to his house he gave me a long hard hug. Since I live an hour and 15 from him now because I moved with my mom, I decided to sleep for a couple hours before I drove back. And of course I slept in his bed next to him. He was all over me, hugging me and cuddling but I did not let him kissed me or anything just cuddling. I could tell he had a good time hanging out with me and he asked me to hang out again the very next day but I told him I couldn't because I live too far to be driving there again. So ever since we've been talking and texting. The week after we hung out he asked me to hang out again and I said no because I didn't think this whole being friends thing was going to work. Because he told me he is not looking for a relationship that he just wants a girl to hang out with and if he happens to hook up with her then it happens and that he just wants to enjoy life and have fun because he's too young. He's 22 and I'm 21. I am NOT looking for something casual like that so that's why I told him that there was no point for me to keep hanging out with him because we're looking for different things and he was very persistent that we should hang out again. He said trust me everything will be fine just come hang out please. So thinking he might change his mind about what he wants I went and hung out with him. We ended up hooking up but not sex, I didn't let him even thought he wanted to. He said we've only hung out twice, it's too soon for me to ask you out. So here I am, knowing that I want to be with him already. I told him that I can't keep hanging out with him and hoping he'll decide to be official like an idiot. And I can't just go and do my own thing while we still talk everyday because if I keep talking to him I just can't move on, it makes it harder, but on the other side I don't want to keep waiting and wondering. What should I do?? Keep waiting?? Or tell him to call me when he decides??
View related questions:
broke up, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Jason, thanks for your advice, you seem very smart. He called me before and sounded like he was crying. I know him very well and i know what he sounds like when he cries. He asked me to hang out tomorrow night nad said he will give me money for gas. He said its a good thing for us to hang out and to just trust him on that. I dont know what to do :( of course i wanna see him. Do i cancel plans then???
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Well the only thing out of the ordinary was the request for him to not go parties without you, but then again I'm not sure how much he actually went parties. It's clear he is not wanting a relationship with you, and I know you are upset and you wanted him to be with you and just say yes, but you just have to realize that he was not that into you, and you could not force him to be with you either by giving him an ultimatum.
When you called him "baby" he didn't mind u calling him that coz he knew how you felt. He would not call you that because you aren't his baby, no matter how much you would hope for it. His heart is just not with yours.
Your heart is broken now, but at least he was clear with you and was honest and didn't take advantage of you...a pain that is far worse than what you are feeling now. So count your blessings, and move on, date some other guys. In your mind you both were together, but in reality you weren't. So the sooner to come to terms with everything, the easier it will be for you.
Good luck, its not all gone, there are after all, plenty of other guys out there.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so it doesn't even matter anymore. I gave him an ultimatum today. I told him to either make the decision to be with me or that we will stop talking. He tried to convince me to keep talking because he said that if we keep talking there's a chance we will get back together but if we stop then there will be no chance. I told him i dont wanna wait for him like an idiot anymore so if he cant decide to be with me right now then i dont wanna talk to him anymore and even thought he was persistant about us keep talking i told him that i didnt wanna keep talking. Then he said fine i'll leave you alone then and that was it. Now i'm heart broken and i feel so fu**ing stupid. I feel like he thinks i have no dignity 8( idk how im gonna get over this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so we kept texting and talking until today. I called him baby and he didnt say anything back. I asked him if it made him unconfortable when I call him baby and he said he didn't mind it. I told him i felt like i like him more than he likes me and that i didn't like that and he said: the reason why i dont call you baby is because i dont want you to automatically assume that we're going back out if i call you that. I got offended so i asked him: why are you so scared to commit to me??? You obviously don't like me as much as i like you, and i don't want to keep hanging out with some guy who is not sure he wants to be with me when there are plenty of guys who will do anything to be with me, and he said:"I wish you could just be normal, I like hanging out with you and i'll go on dates with u and all but i just can't have the girlfriend boyfriend relationship right now. You're asking me to make a decision inmidiately and i just can't do that right now. Specially after all the rules you told me we will have if we got back together". I don't know why he's making a big deal out of those rules. I didn't ask anything out of the ordinary. I just said I expect to see him at least once a week and at least one night of the weekend. We live one and a half hour away but i will be the one driving to him since we rather stay at his place. I aslo asked him to change his facebook status and to not hang out with other girls or go to parties without me. I didn't ask him anything crazy I think but he said those rules are a big compromise. I got sick of all of this so i told him today "Okay you need to make a decision now or we're gonna stop talking" and he said well i can't make a decision. I guess we will seal the deal with ignorant policy then, and i said "Okay however you wanna call it" Then I said bye, and he said where you going? I said "nowhere i'm saying bye because we're gonna stop talking", and he said "don't be ridiculuos i'll talk to u later if you dont wanna talk now" and i said "no that wasn't the deal, the deal was that if u don't make a decision now we will stop talking" and he said "okay ill call you when i get out of work". Why is he acting like this???
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice guys. And yes Jason I did tell him I wanted him and he said he needs to hang out more and if things go well we weill get back together but that he doesnt want to just jump back into a relationship that already hasnt worked in the past and that he needs to make sure it will work this time. He said asking me to commit is like asking me to marry you, and I asked him why and he said because if we go out I dont ever want to have to break up again, so I need to make sure this is gonna work.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Well least to say, I'm sorry he's not looking for the same thing you are. You can't rly change his mind yet and in any case it won't happen so quick as you would like.
I think I vote for "move on". You said "keep waiting" or "tell him to call me when he decides" but that almost sounds like the same thing.
I am not sure, but have you told him how you really feel about him. I know you said you are both looking for different things but did u tell him that you want him? In any case if you keep going out with him, it will not mean much, and u will prolly end up as fwb, coz he obviously wants sex from you.
Theres plenty of guys out there, looking for a relationship so good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): hey im christina..
well it sounds like hes a bit of a bootie call..
forgive me if im wrong.
u kno maybe by being stern about ur decision will help him to understand that ur serious about this..maybe by showing him wat u want will stir up some agreements but can also stir up disagreements...good luck
...............................
|
