A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloMy gf and I have been together 2 years. All is well unless money comes up and then arguments begin. She has the tendency of over spending and expects me to cover her bills. Were not married and probably will never be as I see a very greedy side to her. She needs the best whether it be clothes or phones or purses. Her phone went and she asked me to get her a new iphone 13 at my cost. I told her I have a perfectly fine iphone 10 I could give her, she called me a useless man and said I'm cheap. So i told her she is entitled. Her birthday is coming and she expects at least a 500.00 dollar gift. I can't keep up with her entitlement. any suggestions?
View related questions:
cheap, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2021): You didn't mention if your girlfriend comes from a background of privilege and wealth. Not to imply that just because you come from wealth you're greedy and materialistic; because that's not fair, or always the case. It seems she thinks you're supposed to supply or cater to her every whim; and that leads me to this question. Did you start-out trying to impress your girlfriend with expensive gifts and shopping sprees?
How did you meet? In a bar, or a club? Was she a "performer" like a pole-dancer or stripper? In that case, she'd probably make a lot more money than you do! A lot of young-guys date an assortment of ladies; based mostly on her looks, and ability to be impressive arm-candy. In exchange, she will want to be well-maintained. If this isn't the case, and she comes from an impoverished background; she is probably a big fan of internet influencers. They tend to put far too much emphasis on how you look, what you buy, and impressing people. If she is your age or younger; influencers have a huge following within your age-group.
If you've given her the impression of being successful, and make decent money; or maybe you wooed her by showering her with pricey presents on holidays, special occasions, or for no particular reason. If so, you've spoiled her in the process. If she comes from a family background of wealth, she may be accustomed to the finer things; but you were so smitten, that you weren't aware of her expensive tastes. Up to now, maybe you've tried your best to satisfy those expensive tastes; until you're now realizing it has gotten out of hand.
When I read these posts I try to read between the lines, I try to figure-out what the underlying problem is, when the OP leaves-out a lot of details. It's good you've come straight to the point; but there has to be a reason for her high-maintenance/high-minded ways. You may have overlooked a lot about her, but was taken by her looks; but neglected to evaluate her personality and habits.
You either have to finish what you've started, or you have to write an entirely new script. You need to sit-down and explain that the overspending will now come to an end. If not, you'll be forced to move-out. She'll need to return to her parents, who may be able to provide her with all the high-quality merchandise she's so fond of. If there are no compromises or ultimatums, the bad-behavior continues.
You cannot change people, and that isn't your responsibility. If you've chosen to overlook bad-behaviors in the past; or you've been an enabler up to this point. Then own-up to it! You need to make it understood that you will not cover her bills when she is frivolous with her money. If she's not using your bank cards, why are you paying her bills?
If you're going to stay in this relationship, get her reasonably-priced nice gifts on holidays and birthdays; and if she doesn't appreciate the thought, consider that it is probably time to find yourself a new girlfriend. One who's focus is on love and reciprocation within your relationship. One who has a good work-ethic, sensible with spending, has a generous spirit; and who is a lot less selfish and materialistic. A lady who is independent enough to carry her own weight financially; but has a sense of pride in being self-sufficient and loving.
You've left out a lot, and she deserves some benefit of the doubt; when she doesn't get to tell her side. Nobody can force you to pay their bills; unless they've used your bank cards, or have access to the cash in your bank account.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2021): Tell her to get a job with a good salary to cover her greed and you resign.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): Plenty will tell you she is entitled and greedy so move on, but I suspect that as she is young and attractive and good at sex she knows she can get what she wants, either off of you or another guy who has more money or is quicker to spend it. As far as she is concerned this is how life works, she gives you sex and company and you spend money on her and take her out in return. A fair swap. Plenty of women see life this way. She is high maintenance and you are out of her league as far as she is concerned. You need to find a woman who has her own money or less expensive tastes, but she will also be someone who is older and less attractive, less sexy and less confident.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 November 2021):
 I'd simply tell you are not her parent and you aren't going to just buy her what she wants.
I think there are so many people today who don't understand that "want" and "need" are two different things. She might WANT a iPhone 13 but if SHE can't afford it, she can't have one (right now) she can, however, SAVE up for one.
Why are you with her? She sees you as someone to give her what SHE wants, WHEN she wants - because of "reasons".
For her to not even consider that you might not have the money, you might not want to SPEND that kind of money if you do have it, but that she also has NO claim or right to your income. Ever. you don't OWE her "stuff".
How is the relationship part from this?
Is it good? Is this the person you can see yourself with in 2 years? In 5?
If not, let her go.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2021): You can`t keep up with he entitlements nd yet ure still with her she`s SELFISH and deserve a lesson hence move on please
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (26 November 2021):
 Yes, in a nut shell finish with her and find someone who is willing to work with you and not against you.
She sounds very spoilt to me, and has not yet learned the values of money. You offered her out of generosity and kindness your perfectly good Iphone 10, but it was not good enough for her, then call's you useless and cheap. I am sorry OP, but i have to ask the question as to why you are still with her?.
She expects you to cover her bills, assuming she is in the same age bracket as you are, she should by now be managing her money better.
If your anticipating a future with her, with a house, bills, etc she really does need to sort herself out. But from your post, and her greedy side i don't see her changing anytime soon.
You need someone who will be equal to you from a financial perspective, not demand expensive gifts from you when other things are more important, and someone who is not rude to you.
I think that you need to end things with her and move on, i think that you can do better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2021): You are right, she is entitled. If she wants something she should earn it. We can't all afford a new iPhone. It's a luxury item, not a necessity. Stand your ground and tell her no. For her birthday, spend on her what she spends on you for your birthday.
...............................
|
