A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend split with me 3 months ago because she says I couldn’t talk to her and that made her worry about what future we would have.We’d been together for over a year, been through some hard times with exs and stood by each other no matter what was thrown at us. While we were together everything moved so fast. It looked liked nothing could separate us. So her decision to split came as a complete surprise to me.We were both heart broke, both cried ourselves to sleep. She tells me she loves me, is still in love with me, wants me back, but she can’t see a future for use so won’t have me back.We kept seeing each other, sleeping with each other after the split but then that slowly stopped a bit at a time. Now it’s just started up again. She stays at mine weekends, we do all the stuff we used to when we were together except kiss and hold hands. She point blank refuses to do that.I don’t know what to think now as I was at the point of moving on!! She doesn’t want to get back, but also doesn’t want me out of her life. She gets upset at the thought of me with someone else and tells me she doesn’t want anyone else too. And now she talking about making sex more interesting between us.I really don’t know where I am with her. If I thought we were getting back I’d hold out, but she says she can’t see how we could get back yet. And doesn’t know if we ever would in the future.I can’t just be friends because I’ll always want more. And if she ever met anyone else and we were friends, that would devastate me just as much as her breaking up with me.At the moment things are good between us, but this sudden play by her has got me thinking if this is going to lead anywhere.To say this is messing with my head would be an understatement!I’m open to ideas from anyone. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): Theres one of many ways to look at this. Some would say if she loved you she would be with you. Seems to me she is with you, though not as bf/gf. If things moved so fast and they were good, maybe she still wants that but at a slower pace. Theres obviously something going on with her that she needs to sort out and this could be her way of dealing with it. Seems she realised you were about to move on and didnt want to lose you. So you can either go along with it for now without any expectations and just enjoy it, or you can confront the issue with her which may force her away for good.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (2 January 2009):
 She's not being fair to you. I understand how both of you don't want to lose each other but this is very unhealthy and like you said, is seriously messing with your head. You have to make a decision. You said you were attempting to move on but her coming back messed you up again. So decide now- do you want to move on completely or keep things as they are? First thing I would do is tell her is that you can't continue how you are and you are willing to work on your communication. Why not prove it to her somehow but in this time don't have sex. Prove that you are serious in wanting this relationship to work and that you will do anything to be with her. If for some reason you aren't able to communicate how she wants you to then I think you should move on from her. Although she isn't being fair to you I do understand where she is coming from as I have been in a similar situation. It's hard to love someone but feel like their is no future. But at the same time she should accept it if she really feels there is no future and move on to be fair to both of you. Just tell her you really can't do this anymore and you want to try again at the relationship, if she refuses then you have to stop having sex etc with her. And since being friends with her is too hard for you explain that to her too, that you won't be able to talk AT ALL in order for you to move on. Maybe this will make her change her mind. If she needs and loves you as much as she says she does I'm sure she would change her mind. Good luck with everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I can relate to the ideas and feelings floating around in your head. I feel like it would be an easy response for us guys to just say women are crazy and often confusing to understand. While I do believe women and men approach the dynamics of relationships quite differently, there is no real way to find out what is going on in her head, other than just asking her.You sound like a nice mature person. If she doesn't see eye to eye on things, then it might be best to move on. It is difficult to say without really examining the dynamics of your relationship. It goes beyond just the immediate situation. How did things work when you were together? Why did you break up?
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