A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we are very much in love however, for the past 2 years I have found myself feeling slightly depressed over my previous relationship. I still love my ex, I think about her constantly and if I ever pass her in the street or other places which is frequent I just sink inside and I feel like just crying. Unfortunately I'm in this new relationship and I don't want it to end, I couldn't imagine life without my new girlfriend but I feel that my feelings for my ex are effecting me drastically in this relationship. What should I do? Should I speak to my girlfriend about it, should I ignore it and carry on or should I do something else?
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female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I think u need to see a councillor to get to the bottom of why u are feeling the way u are. is there something in ur past relationship that's now affecting yr current one. Once u know what it is that is making u javelin these feelings, then u can stat moving forward. Good luck and let us know how u get on. Xx
A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 well, I went through something similar. I had such annoyingly strong feelings for my ex, I thought I couldnt cope. Loving my fiance (now husband) and not wanting to be with anybody but him, especially not my ex... I STILLL had these confusingly deep feelings of longing for the ex, who had less calibre in his whole body than my man does in his pinky toe.the feelings slowly faded and were less frequent. Then my fiance and I go to a wedding and there my ex is, and I can not keep my eyes off of him and I feel like absolute crap because here I am holding the hand of the worlds sweetest man and I can't stop staring at the world's biggest jerk.And I write to a mentor of mine and he says that I merely have not got closure from this relationship. That there is something I feel my ex took from me that I want back "what is it you think he has?" and I wracked my brain and I realise my ex had my bubble. That I grew up in a bubble of naivite and that he burst it.And my mentor said that I needed to redefine that relationship as something that belonged to a different version of me. That I would still think of him, but needed to be aware that he belonged to a different me, in a different time.with time I barely thought of him and one day when I got a mental image of him kissing me, actually got nauseous. The spell is broken. I hope some of this will help you...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): You shouldn't ignore it and carry on, because that is just prolonging the current state which obviously is making you miserable.I think you should do something to heal from your previous relationship because these unresolved feelings for your ex are going to sooner or later interfere with your present relationship and hurt your gf.Maybe you are only with your current gf because you're afraid to be alone?Maybe you don't actually want to get back together with your ex, just that seeing her triggers in you a lot of deep seated insecurities and shame (such as feelings of failure, of not being good enough etc) and that is the only reason you think you still want your ex - because if she took you back then it would prove to yourself that you're not so 'bad' after all and thereby eradicate your inner sense of despair.Either way, you should really try to sort out your feelings about your ex. A lot of times, it's difficult to do this while in a relationship with someone else. You may want to talk to your girlfriend honestly about what's going on and see if she'll give you some time to sort out your feelings? But if she may react badly to the very thought that you have these feelings at all, well, that's unfortunate but if you're really having such strong feelings towards your ex that could indicate that you're not actually ready to be in a new relationship with anyone else right now.
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