A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been very happily married to my husband for 10 years but I also have feelings for my 6 years younger brother in law. My husband has two brothers and I get on very well with them both but I have developed strong feelings over a period of time for the youngest one. The youngest one and I are the main carers for their parents so we do spend alot of time together. The problem is that I truly do love my husband a great deal, our life together is wonderful, I really can't fault it at all, yet for some reason I am not only attracted to his younger brother who is single but I care for him deeply too.We have kissed and cuddled a few times, mainly we just spend lots of time together and email and text one another, sometimes secretly. I suppose this would be classed as an affair. I don't want to leave my husband, but I have found that I also rely on my in law too, I just can't imagine life without either of them. When I am with one I think about the other and vice versa. I do feel guilty and I have tried to stop and I am sure he has too but we always seem to end up together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anonymous, I feel for you if you have had these kind of feelings for the last 5 years, I am struggling with mine greatly and I can't imagine 5 years of feeling that way. I can say without doubt that since I posted the original question absolutely nothing has happened between myself and my brother in law and nothing will happen, although it has been absolute torture. Truthfully, I just wish that he and I did not have to spend so much time together, because it would make it a lot easier not having to see him quite so often. Thank you for your advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Hi,
I think you should know you are not alone in having feelings for the younger brother in law. I have been with my husband for 10 years and love him very much, but have also been in love with his younger brother for 5 years. The difference is that I haven't done anything - nor will ever do - about it.
I know it's a killer and may drive you crazy, but you can't have them both and you can't even get a divorce and then have the younger brother because it would destroy an entire family. could you really deal with that?
I really do understand how you feel, but you just have to accept that it's something you may have to live with for the rest of your life -and stop the kissing and cuddling!!! That'll just make it worse for both of you and is complete betrayal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Eddie. Yes I do feel guilt because it is not something that I have ever done in my entire life and not something I plan to do again. My only excuse which is poor I know, is that being one of the main carers for my husbands parents along with my brother in law has meant spending a huge amount of time together, that is what I meant by being thrown together. In hindsight as the older person I should have known better and just ignored the crush the lad has on me, but I didn't. I can say now, that I feel a great deal of relief for having had the opportunity to not only obtain advice, but also to have finished it once and for all. Once again, thank you, your advice has been invaluable.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 You cared enough to reply with thanks. That's a good sign. You will and should feel guilt. We're wired that way to let us know when we're doing wrong. Many people choose to ignore the signals. You wil have to lern to live with htis guilt. AS I mentioned before, the fact that this was your brother in law puts such a twist into things that it is best left alone. God luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to both of you for your advice. I knew what I had to do anyway but it helped seeing it in print. I have broken off ties with the in law and told him in no uncertain terms that things will need to go back to the way they were and for a while it would be best if we avoid one another to allow things to cool down. Having done this I do feel much better and I shall be very careful in the future whenever I am alone with him because what we did was wrong, but sadly I can't change that. I am just very grateful that I did not go further with him because that would have been far too much to live with. Once again, thank you to you both.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 March 2007):
What a sorry excuse...."we always seem to end up together"..please don't even try to minimize this betrayal of your husband/kids/image/self. You are acting in a very weak manner. Kissing and cuddling like teenagers, give me a break. I won't sugar coat my comments either.
After all the nice things you say about your husband, how could you be so cold and evil towards him. By your own admission, you don't even have a reason apart from the fact you're attracted to his brother. This is an act that will not only ruin your marriage but also tear apart his family. Shame on both of you.
You have not tried to stop either. In order to stop, you just STOP. This is probably one of the most morally bankrupt scenarios I've heard of. And your brother in law, he might actually be worse, I'm not sure.
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A
female
reader, livi +, writes (24 March 2007):
 hey there,
what a problem!
perhapse you dont have feelings for the brother you just admire him alot.
i hate to sound like a cliche but you will have to choose one. it is unfair if you drag it out.
the longer you carry it out the harder it will be to stop. if you dod choose that doesnt mean that you have to loose all contact with the other.
Wishing you a bundle of luck : D
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