A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm a junior in high school, and I've known my crush for about a year and a half. We're casual friends--we talk some in school and SOMETIMES, RARELY get together on weekends to study, or VERY RARELY to hang out at a birthday party or something. Sometimes I get the feeling that he likes me too--the way he looks at me and just smiles when I catch him at it, the small, covert, affectionate things he'll say or do. His expression and smile when he sees me unexpectedly. Sometimes I swear to myself that I'm sure he likes me as more than just a friend, and other times I doubt whether or not I ever cross his mind. The first issue is I'm not allowed to engage myself in a relationship (parents rules). For a very long time, I've restrained from liking any guys, afraid that I would just have my heart crushed knowing I could never "legally" be with them. I don't usually try to deceive my parents, and I don't ever thing I could try to hide something as significant as a boyfriend. And I had been fairly successful, until I got to know my crush. You see, I wasn't attracted to him in this way when I first met him. We were just classmate friends. We'd joke around and study together some, but that was all. And then, all of a sudden, a surge of emotional feelings for him hit me. About seven months ago. It seems that he's always in my head. Another barrier is his girlfriend. I believe they've been dating for some two years, so it's not a just a come-and-go fling. Maybe it's my bias taking action, but I can't help but notice that he doesn't seem deeply and extremely fond of her. He looks solemn when he's with her, not the smiling self he is when he's with his friends. I don't personally know his girlfriend, so I won't judge, but every time I see her and smile, she ignores me. I don't think it's just in my head either. Many people dislike his girlfriend, claiming her to be bossy and quite mean. She's now a freshman in college; my crush is in my grade (junior in high school). I've been trying hard to convince myself that becoming a very close friend to him would be enough. It's only half working. And even so, it's difficult to reach him--and I simply can't help but assume it's his girlfriend holding him back. Quite frankly, I don't know what to believe or do. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm in love with him. I don't know if he feels even remotely the same way. I realize he may be shy, but I so often wonder if, again, it's his girlfriend keeping him from showing me he does. Also, I don't wish to disobey my parents, but how can I live dreaming of holding his hand or lovingly hugging him, knowing I will never be allowed to? How do I keep myself from feeling this way for him? SHOULD I be trying to stop? How, HOW can I work things out?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Ok this has bad news wrote all over it, he has a girlfriend therefore you should never go after a boy that is in a relationship because it will only spell trouble believe me. If he wasnt happy he wouldnt have been with his girlfriend for so long and plus he hasnt shown any proof that he likes you other than being friendly.
I think the best thing that you could do here is distance yourself from him, hang around with other friends and be polite to him at school but stop it at that. Take up some new hobbies that doesnt involve him and meet new people your own age.
As for your parents i understand they dont want you having a boyfriend so young am sure they just want to look out for you, but i really advice you go to your mother and tell her how you feel she was your age once so am sure she will understand how you are feeling and she can offer you some advice as well.
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