A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:o.k this is my problem i can't seem to shake. I met my girlfriend 4 years ago she said we should take things slow as she'd just come out of a relationship. So we decided to be just friends and see how things go. We moved on to sexual relationship, then she tells me about a one night stand a couple of week previous, she had whilst we were just friends andhow gorgeous he was, and how it made her feel like a woman. I'm a bit annoyed, thinking if she wanted sex why not ask me? Why sleep with a total stranger.Her logic was she didn't want to hurt me. This i can't understand because that is exactly what she's done.Anyhow, our relationship progressed but we had arguement occassionaly that returned back to the said subject.My love making as deteriorated, and self esteem is low.I know it's crazy but i can't get this fling out of my mind. Not the sex side, more the fact that when she had the choice she choose someone else. I always feel second best, undesirable. It seems i have to jump through flaming hoops to get anywhere in this relationship, when i know she's treated other guys as VIP's.Help How can i rid myself of this feeling
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one night stand, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Hi Love
I think your self esteem is so low this is all you can think about hunny, She was abit cruel in the way she told you really and its left you with this horrible feeling that you just cant shift. I think if your confidence level was up a little and your self esteem was higher you would face this in a more possitive and strong way...
http://www.mensselfesteem.com/index.html
Here is a link love if you get stronger within you will then be able to cope with whatever life throws at you in a stronger way, I hope this helps TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Alrighty.. The situations appears to be that she is using you as a temporary. Meaning your there when she needs to feel loved. Yet not important enough for her to return the favor. If you really feel second class then my first advice would be to move on, start something new. I know its not what you want to her but if she loves you like im assuming you love her then why didn't she choose you instead? It just makes plain sense to tell her to either stop talking about it or the relationship seemingly cannot go any farther.
Her first mistake is telling you and BRAGGING about it.
But you shouldn't bring it up in every arguement eigther.
Try to forgive and forget. But if thats not possible then you probably don't trust her. And without trust there can be no relationship.
~Hope This Helps~
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Her logic was "she didn't want to hurt you?" What does that statement apply to? The fact that she did it or that she told you?
On one end, if she had just gotten out of a relationship its understandable that she'd choose a stranger other than a friend. At that stage she was still vulnerable & probably scared to be hurt by someone close to her. That being said she shouldn't have come out & told you in the manner that she did. It's entirely possible that her intention was to emasculate you so you wouldn't have the will to question her. That's often what insecure people to. Lowering your self-esteem so you wouldn't even dream to being unfaithful
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