A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a real problem getting my girlfriend's past out of my head. I know there have been some other questions like this on the board, but nothing that really matches.Basically, I've been dating a wonderful woman for three months. She's amazing in just about every way. I was a virgin when we met and she wasn't. While I wish that wasn't the case, I'm ok with it. It doesn't bother me.The other day, though, she casually mentioned something she did in college that really, really bothered me. She went to a "naked party" once. I have no moral objection to this. In fact, I can't even decide if I'm more jealous of the guys at that party who got to see her, of if I'm more jealous of HER because I have always wanted to do that.But I can't get the image out of my head. I find myself dwelling on it. I was so surprised to find out she did something like that (total shock). I was slightly turned on by the general idea of it (which is probably the most complicating factor in this), but really turned off when I thought about the details (her undressing with other people, hanging out naked with other guys for two hours). Not only do I find myself distracted by the thoughts during the day, but also when I see her undress, I think "she went to a party wearing exactly what she's wearing now - nothing!"It turns my stomach to think about it, but I know it shouldn't. This woman is so great, but I feel like it's hurting our relationship because I feel weird about it. The only good that has come of it is that I did talk to her about it and it was nice to be able to share something so personal with her and not feel uncomfortable.This is like my "achilles heel" of things I wish my girlfriend hadn't done. This one circumstance (her naked with dozens of other people) just drives me nuts. I would have been less bothered if she said she got drunk and slept with three guys that night.Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice? How do I either stop thinking about it, or just make my peace with it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I was with you right up until you said "I would have been less bothered if she had gotten drunk and slept with three guys that night."
I think you're definitely obsessing about this incident more than it warrants. It's totally understandable to have issues with your GF's past but this one seems more like an issue about her enjoying her life. You're pissed that she had some fun in a way that you didn't.
I know it doesn't make it any easier, but I'm trying to help you clarify what is really bothering you about this.
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (9 April 2008):
 I can speak from experience as a naturist and having been to many naked parties. This is not a sexual experience!! If you have never done it, you think it is just one giant orgy, but its not. Once you get over the initial shock of everyone being naked, you relax and it seems the most natural NON SEXUAL thing in the world. I love getting naked! I have been to parties, clubs, resorts, and am part of a bare boating group that goes out to the middle of Lake Erie and we all strip and just hang around drinking, swimming and relaxing all day ~ naked. People who are naturists are very careful to be respectful and accepting of all body types; and NON sexual. Perhaps this is something you would like to go do with her. You did say part of your jealousy is that you want to do it, too. Go ahead! Try it! You would be suprized I am sure to find out that there is probably some club or resort not too far from you that the two of you can go get naked at.
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A
male
reader, wildman +, writes (22 February 2008):
 Sounds like a hot woman to me. I wish I could get mine to be a little wild like me. I unfortunately can only dream up things like that in my mind.You are a lucky lucky man don't blow it, be thankful and use it to your advantage. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): I most agree with doubleM. If she's really great, your focus should be on that, and moving past this so you can continue to be with this great woman. That said, there's not much anyone here can do to help you move past. You need to first determine the root of your problem. You need to realize if you want this relationship to work that there will be a few hurdles like this one due to your difference in experience. I don't think that this is the whole problem, or even a major part of it. You'll probably need a little adjustment period to get used to it. Beyond that, you need to really talk it out with her. You mentioned that it's not uncomfortable to do so, which is great, and now you just have to test it a bit more. Let her know that this isn't something you're asking her to justify or defend, but something you don't completely understand and aren't completely comfortable with yet. Make sure she understands you want to eventually move past this, and just need some help from her. Perhaps if you have more details about what it was actually like, you would rest easier. Perhaps, also, the two of you should discuss your concepts of nudity, because this may be where the problem stems from.I think you need to do a little introspection, and then some discussion with your partner in order to truly make peace with this and ensure that once you move on, it will stay in the past.Hope this advice helped!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (22 February 2008):
 the degree to which people are bothered by their partners deeds sexually with others outside of the relationship is the same as the degree to which they want to totally possess their partner.
before anyone disagrees read this...
people who wife swap actively want to share their toy and get pleasure from it, people in sex communes at the far extreme are toys in a big gooey box(urgh).
people who dont want to share but can cope with the fact that their toy is second hand are the usual partners who accept that their partner had a sex life before them
then there are those that want to have a brand new toy, the thought that another touched THEIR TOY! sickens them and leaves them a quivering wreck dribbling shallow wimpers out the tear ducts...
you are upset because somone took your new toy out of the box and everyone got a glimpse but no-one wanted to open your box, and now someone does you are comparing toys like a child.
all of this is very childish
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (21 February 2008):
 Are you jealous of her gynecologist too? LOL.
I had art classes in college with nude models. If you were one of the models' boyfriends you would have had a conniption knowing your girlfriend was taking off her clothes in front of a classroom full of people and sat naked for an hour as people drew pictures of her. LOL.
You need to forget about this. . . or go find yourself a fellow virgin. Good luck with that.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (21 February 2008):
 "I would have been less bothered if she said she got drunk and slept with three guys that night."
No you wouldnt. You would be writing here telling us how you are going crazy thinking about your girlfriend sleeping with these men.
The point I'm trying to make dude is learn to live with it. What this boils down to is your sexual inexperience versus her experience. But just because you were late of the blocks doesnt mean your girlfriends have to suffer for it. You could have gotten laid but you decided not to, so why should her past be a problem for you?
What I advise is you turn this into a positve. Use it to explore your own sexuality instead of focusing on your girlfriends. If she feels you are being a wet blanket once your honeymoon period is over she may very well ask herself what is she doing with this stick in the mud. So use her experience as a positive, think that out of the all the guys who checked her hot body out you are the one she has chosen not them. When I met my wife she was in a couple of non serious relationships at the time (guys she would meet up with for sex), she dumped both guys for me. Later on she told me one of them had a huge dick and he would bang her all night leaving her barely able to walk, now instead of coming on Dearcupid and whinging about how my wife was a whore I used it as a positive. I thought wow, she has had this big dick inside her and she still chose to be with me. It's a turn on dude.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (21 February 2008):
 I sort of know what you mean, but there is a key difference between you and myself: You're still with her!! A few months or so after my ex broke up with me, I found out she had played strip poker with a bunch of people (guys included) within WEEKS of meeting them. This was when she had just started at university. So, I was left me dwelling on for some time: The girl I used to be with, used to have sex with; was now taking her clothes off in front of other guys and there was NOTHING I could do about it no matter how bad it felt.
So my advice is PLEASE look on the bright side of this, because there are plenty of bright sides: She is a great girl. She did something wild in the days where she is suppose to be having a wild time... And it was at a time before she had even met you! It probably isn't something she would do now. Not without you atleast. So, don't dwell! You have a great girl, who is clearly a confident person. Be glad that you don't have a girl who would feel embarrassed being naked in front of her own boyfriend. Her confidence should be more of a turn on than anything else. If she is confident enough to get naked in front of others, then who knows what she will do with you, as her partner!
Don't let this ruin your relationship.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 February 2008):
 Wow, man. If you found a "great woman" as you say, I would suggest that you put this away. I'm just jealous that, to my knowledge, those types of things were not going on in my college days - a long time ago.
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