A
male
age
22-25,
*avyn_26
writes:I can't get over this girl that rejected me 3 months ago because, I smoke pot, drink, go to parties and deal a little bit of weed and molly to make a little bit of some extra cash when i'm not at school. I tried to hide that I was feeling sad from everybody but, I guess I didn't do a very good job because a few weeks ago my Chemistry teacher kept me after class to work on my late assignments and when I went in there no one was in the room so, I went to the back of the room and sat in a desk, got my assignment out and closed my eyes until she got into the room to help me. when she got in the room she stood next to my desk and asked me what was wrong because, I've been acting weird the last month or so, that I don't talk to anyone anymore, I don't participate in class, that I just stare blankly in the direction that she's teaching in, I don't do my assignments anymore, I don't smile very much and when I do it's quick, I'm always one of the first ones out of the door when the bell rings, and I just kinda act like my minds somewhere else all the time. I gave her a little smirk and quickly said that nothing is wrong. I guess she knew I was lying because she started trying to guess what was wrong. She guessed things like if things were bad at home, if it was because my two best friends both moved away in about the span of a week and a half, if it was a girl, or if someone in my family was sick or something. I told her no to all of those things. She kept persisting that she knew that something was bothering me because, I didn't always act the way I have been. I finally told her that my grandpa who I have lived with since I was 6 is an alcoholic and is verbally and sometimes tries to be physically abusive by trying to get in fights with me in the yard in front of my neighbors before my grandma who's on oxygen would go out and stop him, but it's okay because our relationship has always been tense since I became a teenager. She finally let me leave after an hour of trying to coax me into talking about it. It got me thinking though, wow i'm really acting weird I didn't think anyone noticed. There's even been rumors that I've been allowed to leave school at random times during the school day because, I was high from smoking weed so they would just let me go home for an hour or so and come back, but really I would go home to get Information for my ACT because, the computer system wasn't working right because, my Grandma never set up the ACT right but, it took us forever to figure that out so I got to leave numerous times. There is also a rumor that I just don't care anymore and that I'm going to drop out of high school, but, i'm not going to drop out because, I'm a lot of things but, a quitter isn't one of them. I really hate that my name has went to shit because, I don't like to talk about what is bothering me. No one even suspects that what is wrong is that she rejected me because, when it happened I told everyone that I didn't care because, it was just high school. I finally told one of my friends that I don't know what is going on with me and that I drink and smoke pot all the time because, it numbs the pain of not being with her. He said that it's because I'm in love with her. I told him all the subtle things I like about her like the way she smiles, walks, how she's really shy, a good girl, her long blonde hair, that she has goals in life and that I could go on forever but he probably already got the point. He asked why she rejected me and I told him that it was because we're to different and that she don't want to ask me to change, so I told her that I'd be willing to change for her and that she said she was really sorry. So I told her that she made me want to be a better person, do better things, and when I played all those football games I played for her (I was a starer on both sides of the ball at Quarterback and Cornerback). He said if I like her as much as I say I do then change anyway and give it another go. I hope he's right because she is a really great girl and in the 3 months I've been looking at other girls but, they all seem to only be maybe half as great as she is and I can't be in a relationship that makes me feel like I don't have the best girl I possibly could be with. anyone know what I should do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): Well now you've learned the drawbacks of selling and consuming drugs. You're very young, and such things do great harm to a young developing mind and body.
Combinations of pot, recreational drugs, and alcohol causes depression and mood-swings. You're up one minute flying high; and then you crash. You're still growing, but damaging your brain cells and tissues with chemicals.
Now you're fixated on a young lady too smart to deal with a kid, only 16, already drinking and doing drugs. You're even selling drugs to other kids.
So why would/should she want to be with someone like that?
I don't want to hear your whining about how it numbs your pain. Get outta here with that. You do it for fun and because you think it makes you cool. You sell to make illegal money, and you're making yourself a problem at school. Eventually you could wind-up in juvenile detention.
She is wise to stay as far from you as she can.
I took the time to read everything you have to say. I do understand you. You're a lonely kid, and going through all these changes in your mind and body, and discovering feelings you've never had. Wow, that's a lot! You need attention, affection, and supervision from an adult. You need some counseling from a professional to just vent your feelings and explain what's going on inside; but your drunken grandpa and sickly grandmother aren't really capable of being parents. Which raises the question, where are your parents or siblings?
Let the girl go. You change your reputation by changing your behavior. You do your assignments on time, give-up selling and using drugs, be respectful to your teachers, and force a smile on your mug now and then. There are teenage crisis hotlines available online and you can look-up their phone numbers for real-time chat. There are organizations that offer counseling for free to protect you from yourself and abuse. You need parenting and the love of your family; which is what drives you down the wrong path. You want it, but you won't admit it.
So you see everything in one girl. It's love and kindness you really crave; and you appreciate her for her good upbringing. Which, by the way, will not change you. You change, because you want to for yourself. If you can't do that for yourself, you're lost. You'll just bring her down to where you are. That's all. You have to upgrade yourself before you go looking for the nice girls. Bad-boys are bad news!
She's not a perfect angel, she's a good girl with good parenting. When you don't have parenting, you have to seek outside help; so you can pull your life together. Then the good girls take notice that underneath the surface; you're just a good kid, and being a teenager is hard as hell. Especially when there's nobody there to see you through it.
Changing takes time. A lot of time! Being good for a few weeks and stalking down that girl again was bad advice. It's going to take you another year of your life to set things right! By that time, you've forgotten all about her. Hopefully!
She's just not into you. Respect her wishes, just be nice to her, and set your own goals. She is at least nice to you. That as far as it should go right now.
Go be somebody kid! Find those crisis hotlines for teens and tell them your story. They'll find you some professional help; before you end-up taken by child protection services, placed in foster care, or in the criminal justice system. The neighbors see you fighting with your grandfather. If they call police first, you won't have the chance to make your own decisions. They'll be made for you.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (6 January 2017):
 I also think counselling would help you; you're being self-destructive and you have a tough deck of cards, but you can't blame it on being rejected, you drank and took drugs before she turned you down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 January 2017):
 First, of, I'm sorry you have a crappy home life. I think you going to talk to your counselor is a better choice than constantly smoking pot. And even worse selling pot is NOT a smart thing either. Get an after school job if you want extra money. A real JOB. Depending on the state you are in you can be charged with a class D felony for selling pot. As it is classified as a Class A drug (in some states) and this can TOTALLY ruin whatever future YOU want for yourself.
As for the girl, well all crap you are feeling about your life doesn't change the fact that SHE isn't into you and you "think" you are into her.
But she might have brought up some good points for you to consider. Right now? You are an "undatable mess". And it's NO girl's job to sort you out. If you KNOW that your behavior and life as it is now NEEDS to change, DO those changes for you. NOT for a girl. Especially a girl who IS NOT interested in you in a romantic way, a changed man or not.
ACCEPT that you are just not what SHE is looking for when it comes to partners. Sometimes (as much as it sucks) we crush on, fall for or get infatuated with, people who can't reciprocate those emotions. It happens. No amount of feeling sorry for yourself or wanting to change will change that. THEY do not OWE "us" to feel the same way. This girl you have a crush on doesn't OWE you to feel the same way about you and you feel about her.
She tried to say it in a VERY gentle and kind way, but you NEED to actually hear it.
Focus on yourself, get yourself sorted out. Others will find it hard to LOVE you when you don't care about yourself. So go talk to the school counselor as a start.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 January 2017):
 Dude, I remember you asking your questions before. You need to realise that She IS NOT INTERESTED.
Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help and the only person that can get you out of this slump is yourself. I've been exactly where you are, I got rejected off a girl I really liked so I know how shitty it feels, but it's not the end of the world. There are literally billions of other females out there, this one clearly isn't the one for you, so stop trying to convince yourself that she is. If she was you wouldn't be feeling this way.
You're a young guy, stop smoking weed, stop selling drugs and concentrate on school. You might look cool now to other people but what are you going to do when you have shit grades because you were moping around over a girl? Seriously, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a grip man,
Think about people who have been married for 10 years then get cheated on that's a person who has had their heart ripped clean out and you're acting like your world has collapsed because you've been rejected off someone in high school, let's get real.
All that I did was accepted the fact that I wasn't going to be with this girl,when you accept it you can work on getting over it, I just did my own thing and concentrated on work and the gym to keep me occupied. I got rejected about a year ago but we've still spoken on and off all the way until last week. But now I'm speaking to other people and trying to organise dates and stuff with other girls. I was meeting her for 1.5 years before she rejected me so if I can get through that, I'm pretty sure you can get over someone you didn't even date.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 January 2017):
You need to stop being lazy and criminal. Don't sell or take drugs, it's stupid and harmful.
Do your schoolwork and create a positive future for yourself, or you'll never be happy or good enough for a decent girl.
You can do so much better if you just focus on doing good things with your time, instead of wasting it and potentially ending up with a criminal record.
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