A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My Fiance and I Have been going through a lot. In the beginning things were perfect, she got pregnant and things were still fine but she was becoming distant. I was sitting watching a football game one night (this was the day before we were going to get the sonargram for the baby) and she came downstairs yelling at me and then kicked me out for NO Reason. The next day she called me at night and told me she had a miscarriage and was rushed to the hospital and that it was my fault for her losing it. I didn't believe her so I called the ambulance companies saying I was a family member to see if there were any calls to her apartment and there wasn't. After 2 weeks or so she finally admitted having an abortion. That killed me.We broke up, but did have a couple of intimate moments during that 3 months, and I was dating someone but still in love with her. She called me and told me she wanted me to come over, I did. The next morning she told me she was pregnant again. We worked it out but Since then (5 years later) I still bring up the fact she killed my child. It's hard for me to trust her after that immense pain she caused me for no reason. Now our relationship is almost dead and I take most of the responsibility for it. I know I should let it go but sometimes I just bring it up. I want to make this work.. There are problems with her daughter (from a previous relationship) and me as well.. any advice is greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (20 November 2008):
i'm sorry for what you have both gone through. but she must of had a reason for having the abortion. i think the only way you can understand about why she did it, is to talk to her about it.
i believe every woman has the right of choice, but people dont just have abortions without there being a very good reason for it. she obviously had some problem emotionally and could not deal with being pregnant. all you can do is talk to her about it
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 Oh, I'm sorry. This is a very sad story. Did you ever talk to her about why she made that decision? Did she ever give you any explanation? Maybe it would help you getting over this loss if you two were able to properly talk it through without too much accusations?
If I were you and loved her that much but had a hard time forgiving what she did, then I would ask her to go together on couple's councelling. It could be something around her decision that you need to know about before making a final decision on what to do.
And what are the problems with you and her daughter?
Wish you all the best, tell us how it goes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): I do understand your pain and your mistrust in her. There is always a part of you that does not want to let go and you do tend try to restore what you have. But, if you really cannot forgive and forget the relationship does not have a chance. If you really do not think you can forgive and forget the past you need to move forward and create a different type of relationship with this women and her daughter, such as friends.Suffering is hard and when you live with someone that you know will never forgive it makes their life terrible. I do not believe what she did was right by having an abortion and talking with you about. She needs to forgive herself and you need to see if in your heart you can forgive her.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 I'm sorry, but I don't think you will ever get over the abortion, and I don't think that is the only reason why your relationship with your wife does not work. It is perhaps a big reason why problems are harder to approacho and solve.
I think there is a bad atmosphere at home for everyone. Maybe it's best if you call it quits.
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