A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:almost 2 years since i broke up with my ex. were together 8.5 years. i broke up with him 6 to 10 times per year during our last 3 years. dramatic time with his ex wife (over 5 years before we met) an is dramatic kids. i feel better that i don't have the trauma and constant up and down but still so very sad. i can't let go, i finally tried dating and makes me think of ex more. he's moved on and out of state and must be happy. our dogs were left behind and he's not there to take care of them and i can't see them but i worry about them. one of my kids is good friends with one of his which keeps me connected and his friends all started working in same workplace. i have made it where everyone watches out for me to avoid him cause it is upsetting to me. why can't i get over this? is it because i wasted some of my best years, 40's should have been fantastic. what do i do? i need to wash everything out of my hair so to speak. guess it doesn't help that i have a few things of his that i actually use. signed lonely sad s
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female
reader, Gretta  +, writes (20 February 2011):
I feel exactly the same way! Also been 2 years for me and I also wasted the years I spent with him. I tried so may things to get my mind off him but still memories come back but guess I'll have to try harder...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I feel for you. It is so hard to move on when someone was so much a part of your life. Also being older you are more aware of time passing, time lost. But you need to get some kind of closure, acceptence - so that you can plan the future and not look back. Be kind to yourself. Do things to pamper yourself. Try and make some plans. You say you don't miss the dramas, perhaps focus on a new tranquility, being free of the ups and downs. There is a song that says 'I miss the highs but at least I'm spared the lows' good words.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 It's a tough one that's for sure, getting over someone that you dated for so long and loved, even if there were problems.
Women get much more emotionally involved and they count the years as a kind of investment...when it doesn't pay off for all their commitment, it can be devestating!!
It's been over for two years so you owe it to yourself to accept that life can't go backwards, you cannot change one single thing about what happened and he is never going to come back. Holding onto memories when you are feeling so down is like anchoring yourself to one spot and allowing it to drag you down...sure it feels comfy and familiar...but really it's crushing you and stopping you from moving on.
Don't fear the unknown of the future. Of course there are no guarantees of happiness but there will certainly be chances, new liasons, new ground to explore!! If you stay locked in the past, you may as well go climb into a dark hole and never come out...because nothing will ever change.
If you have stuff that reminds you of him, get rid of it!!
I myself was really missing someone who I loved deeply when we split, but I sold all the jewellry he gave me and bought myself a new outfit. I wore it out one night and met someone else who I dated for a few weeks and I felt good about myself (even though I didn't want to keep dating the guy I'd met)...also I didn't have the jewellry to remind me of how much I missed my ex!!
I know it's hard, god knows I do!!! but you have two choices, stay in the past and be miserable, or move on and create the potential to be less miserable!!!
It's a cliche, but look to improving yourself, instead of staying exactly the same in the hope that he will feel sorry for you and come back....he won't, so you have to save yourself.
Chin up and start living for yourself...you will feel better!!!
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