A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I had this guy friend for over a year who was engaged to a girl he didn't love (he stayed with her because they had a baby together). I went through two other relationships while I was friends with him, the second of which began online and stayed long distance (700+ miles away) for months.I started spending a lot of time with this guy when I began to doubt the long distance relationship. I really enjoyed his company and found him fun and relaxing to hang out with. We made each other happy.Gradually I became attracted and attached to him and we had what was supposed to be an "open" relationship for about a month (he was temporarily separated from his fiancee at the time). He said he had feelings for me and could go either way and make it a real relationship if I agreed and said he needed an excuse not to get stuck back with his fiancee again, but I wasn't quite ready to give up the option of my long distance relationship. Things changed with the long distance guy and I decided to commit to him once we were both in the same city. My fling and I have exchanged a few emails since then and he's visited me at work--and I was more than happy to go back to being "just friends"--but his fiancee is constantly catching him talking to me, and recently she threatened not to let him see their daughter if she catches him again. He told me he couldn't risk it anymore.Even though I love my current boyfriend, I can't help remembering the good times I had with my fling and the close friendship we had (sexual activity aside) and how I'll never be able to enjoy his company again. It's tearing me up and I don't know how to let go of it and be happy with what I presently have. I know I've been the wrong one throughout this whole thing from beginning to end, and that dwelling on it is unfair to my boyfriend, but I can't think about anything except the loss of this person who I really cared about as a best friend and came close to loving.
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at work, best friend, engaged, fiance, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 It sounds to me like you are missing him as a friend more than an actual potentiol partner. This is quite normal because am sure you cared for him deeply so it is going to hurt and upset you that he is no longer part of your life. His girlfriend shouldnt be playing god with his daughters life though. She shouldnt be using her child as a weapon against him. However he makes his own mind up and i guess he doesnt want to risk losing his daughter.
I think you just need to accept now that he is no longer part of your life and he is no longer a friend. The hurt will go away through time. Goodluck.
A
male
reader, ygshktt  +, writes (22 January 2011):
juss go ahead and move on with your current boyfriend because life is always not that easy because long distance relations can really screw u up :P
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