A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend started dating in January of 2010. It was our freshman year of college for both of us, and we had just gotten back from winter break when we decided to make it official. We had been seriously "talking" since around Thanksgiving 2009, so we had gotten to know each other fairly well and the attraction held all throughout winter break.Also happening throughout winter break was the fact that he was inviting his ex girlfriend over to his house every couple of days. At first I thought that was fine because he had said that they were still kind of friends, even though they hadn't really seen each other since summer 2009, when they broke up, right before he went off to college. Later, he told me that college was pretty much the only reason he broke up with her, but that it turned out for the best because they argued a lot and he was tired of putting up with her.Anyway, during winter break, I would send him a message asking what he was up to every so often, and sometimes he would tell me that he and his ex were hanging out. He would also tell me that she would do sexual "favors" for him nearly every time they hung out, and that he invited her over because he was looking forward to it.I didn't realize how much this bothered me until we started actually dating. Over time, I pieced together what little details he would give me, and I found out that he hadn't told his ex that he and I were seriously talking about dating; he had never really mentioned me at all. On top of that, he wanted to be sexually active with me only a week after we started dating (and like an idiot, I let him), and now I'm afraid he was only looking to have a girl please him, and since I was a shy, naive virgin at the time--yes, I made it to college--then I didn't have much experience and must have seemed an easy target.He told his ex that he loved her, but he told me that he didn't really mean it; it was just a high school love sort of thing, whatever that means. He tells me he loves me, but I really don't know if he's telling the truth or not.I'm the third girl he's had sex with, and the two others before me were also virgins, his most recent ex and a girl he dated when he was fourteen.I was really getting bothered with the winter break situation because I feel like he should have not done those things with his ex if he was seriously talking to me about dating, and I feel like my naivete made me think that it was okay. Once I started voicing my concerns about it to him, he told me that it didn't matter and that it was in the past. I really wanted to talk to his ex about it, but I don't know why. I feel like there's something he's not telling me, or maybe it's just closure that I want. Either way, I think she deserves to know what was going on, too, since he didn't and still hasn't told her, and it's been a year.I've been having dreams for the past five or six months about him cheating on me with his ex or some other girl, but I don't think that's the issue. Still, the dreams make me feel uncomfortable for the rest of the day when I wake up. I know I went through a period where I was really jealous of his ex because I wasn't sure that he was completely over her (she's gorgeous and smart and rich, how could any guy get over that?), but I really really think that if I talk to his ex, I will stop having these dreams and get over the whole thing.He doesn't want me to talk to her, in fact he actually told her over facebook to block me, which sent up a red flag in my mind. I can still send her a message, though, but now it's just a matter of whether or not I should. Is it better to leave it be and keep trying to get over this on my own, or should I talk to her and find out why my boyfriend is being so secretive about it? Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Move on, baby girl. He used you and is trying to keep you around to keep using you until he is done.
I know he is the guy you lost your virginity to, but he is no good. I know you must regret giving it up to such a loser but you HAVE TO MOVE ON. If you refuse to move on, he will since he is keeping your relationship on the downlow. For Pete's sake, he doesn't want you to contact his so-called ex!! This means she knows nothing of you. He is using YOU AND HER. Whatta creep!!
Sorry to say that this relationship is unsalvageable. Best of luck. You deserve so much better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): if a guy really cared about a girl he would not tell his friend (u during winter brk) that this girl came over to do sexual favors... he might be making all that up. Try withholding sex from him, if he walks away, then yup ur relationship was all about sex.
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A
female
reader, 0000BraveHeart0000  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I started to think that this was another one of those American Sweethearts episodes but something changed my mind. The fact that you want to enter into a relationship with a guy who stills sees his ex-----Red Flag! Darling,that is a no-no. If a guy is really interested in you, really loves you then he would not be seeing his ex..even as a friend. Infact, they should already be broken up, that is the first rule. To make mathers worse he said that "she does him sexual favors" and I know that you know what he is implying...they still have sex. Now , why would a guy who waited through winter and who wants to have a real relationship with you be still having sex with this girl. Now, you know you cannot trust him because he said earlier that she came over because they are just friends, hanging out and now they are having sex.....what other lies has he told??? I hate to break to ya but the boy is dirty,cold blooded, player. His intentions are no good. Please,break away from this hazardous relationship at once as it will only bring you more bad dreams and heartache!!!Another thing that you have to look at are your dreams. People say dreams are baloney but I have learned to trust 2 things, my dreams and intuitions because the fact that he told his girlfriend or ex or whatever she is to block you then he is definitely keeping you in the dark about something. I am just pissed and sorry that you give this creep your virginity. If I were you, I would ignore him for a couple weeks so he gets the message (ignore calls, texts,) then I would pay a little visit to this girlfriend ( cuz I am bold faced like that), tell her what he told you and what has been going on with the two of you (the sex,plans ) and hear what she says and deal with him based on that. But initially, you will have to break it off. He is not for you, lying , cheating B*****. You can do better and you are young ....just take it slow from then on. Better will soon come.All My Best Wishes!
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