A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A year ago I fell in love with someone who had a girlfriend. After months of building sexual tension, we had sex once, after which he told his girlfriend. She told him never to contact me again. For a few months he didn't, then he got back in touch. He said he couldn't forget me and he missed me. He said he wanted to stay friends. I replied a couple of times but then stopped. He continued emailing me occasionally to say how much he misses me.I haven't heard from him in 3 months now, and it's 6 months since I last contacted him. But I think about him every single day. I miss him so much. I miss the excitement I felt with him. I know I'm doing the right thing by his girlfriend but I'm questioning why I'm bothering. I want him so much. I keep waiting for it to go away but it just isn't. How long does it take to get over someone?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 May 2019):
 Sweetheart, open your eyes. The man is a cheat. Pure and simple. He cheated on his girlfriend with you and, if you were to become a couple, he would cheat on YOU with someone else. Do you not wish for better for yourself?
You have been strong so far and not returned his contact. Stay strong and find yourself someone who is free to be with you.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (16 May 2019):
 It’s not love, OP - you’re infatuated because he’s forbidden, and rightly so. He’s a cheater and he’s disrespected his girlfriend by trying to keep contacting you. Emotions are why you shouldn’t have sex with people who aren’t interested in a committed relationship with you. Once you learn that lesson, you’ll be able to move on. Right now, you’re doing the right thing by staying no contact, but you’re telling yourself it’s love, so you don’t want to give up.Remind yourself of who he’s shown himself to be: a liar, a cheater, disrespectful, still lying to his girlfriend (he’ll have found someone else to cheat with now or will do soon), he treats women like crap and manipulated them. You truly don’t want the guy he actually is - just the one you want him to be; the sweet charmer who made you feel special. He pretends to be that guy, OP - he doesn’t stay that way.He was still contacting you, so it will take longer. Remind yourself of who he is and that it’s not love; it’s lies. Give it time.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 May 2019):
 You're not in love with him; you're infatuated with him because he has the "you can't have him" factor associated with him.
You enjoyed the thrill of the chase, the sexual tension, the butterflies. You're caught in the fantasy of it all and you don't want to snap out of it because well, it's a fantasy and makes you feel good. But guess what OP? The reality is that he's cheated on his girlfriend with you and will not hesitate for one second to cheat on you with someone else if he does end up with you. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you're special for him in any way. If you were then he would do whatever he could to be with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 May 2019):
 I think if you really cared about the GF you wouldn't have had sex with him at all. That is about a day late and a dollar short of thinking you did the "right thing" here. Though AFTER the cheating you did grow a set and stopped talking to him, so for that... I will give you props.
But perhaps I digress.
OP, ALL he wanted from you were that "new girl" feeling and of course sex. He doesn't and didn't want more, he even told his GF about the sex because he knew she would tell him to cut you off. That way he could pull away clean from you.
He doesn't exactly strike me as a lovable guy. I mean he cheats on his GF, be tray her and disrespect her, he strings you along and treat you without much respect, plays with your feelings, really. All to make you feel special, but really YOU were just another notch in his bedpost.
I know that doesn't feel good at all to be used as a sexual opportunity, but if he had REALLY cared for you (or his GF) he wouldn't have cheated. He would have realized that he liked you more than the GF, ended his relationship BEFORE having sex with you.
This guy is NOTHING to be in awe over.
What you miss is that connection you THOUGHT you had with someone. You really didn't, HE played you. HE is still trying to play you. Hoping you will be willing to occasionally drop your knickers if only he sweet talk you enough. HENCE the e-mails.
You didn't know this guy. You said it happened after a month of "building sexual tension" - sorry OP, you don't know someone after a month.
DO yourself a favor in the future, LEAVE the guys with a GF, fiance, wife WELL alone. Don't go there. Because YOU will be the one to get hurt when shit hits the fan.
TAKE the time to get to know a guy. REALLY know them. Sexual tension is GREAT but you CAN NOT build a relationship on that alone. I know in today's hook up culture spending 4-6 months DATING someone BEFORE having sex is rare, but I can tell you this, you are WAY more likely to find a LONG term partner if you ACTUALLY take the time getting to know someone. All this having sex, THEN trying to build something? It RARELY works.
Sex shouldn't be that meaningless. It should be something you SHARE with someone you care for deeply and who CARES for you in return. Someone who KNOWS you. Someone with whom you share things in common. Someone WORTH investing in. Emotionally.
This guy (the guy with the GF) IS not such a guy. He is just a guy with a penis who was horny and played you.
Don't REWARD that type of guys. Because they don't really give much back emotionally, intellectually or any other way.
And then there is the self-respect part. HAVE some!!
Don't go knocking boots with another girl's man. That is lazy and low. If he can't BE a decent guy, he shouldn't EVER have a chance with you.
LET a guy SHOW you through his ACTIONS that he cares, don't just listen to all his sweet talk. Because ANYONE can tell you sweet things and make you feel special, but if they are ALL little lies it's a pretty EMPTY gesture and you DESERVE more.
So block him, make his e-mail go to the trash (stop reading them) take a little time to consider WHY you were so EASILY led to be used to CHEAT with. Find your moral compass and DECIDE to stick to your moral code. Your values. You are WAY more likely to find a "HIGH value man", if you yourself become a "high value woman".
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 May 2019):
 How do you love him exactly?
From what I’m reading you’ve met once? Had sex once? And you’re in love? How? You can’t fall in love with someone over text, it’s not possible. You fall in love with someone through physical and emotional contact. Reading some words over a messaging app isn’t a way you can fall in love with someone.
He is a cheater, he is scum of the earth. Not only did he cheat, he built up a rapport with you over many months. That’s so much worse than a drunken one night stand for example. The only victim here is his GF! Poor woman. You willingly helped another man cheat on his partner. How would you feel if you were the one being cheated on? Think about her instead of feeling sorry for yourself about getting used by a player.
How can he miss you exactly? You’ve met once. He misses having sex with you, that’s what he misses. If he REALLY missed you then why doesn’t he leave his GF for you? Because he doesn’t, it’s simple. He wants to keep you around for the off chance he may be able to have sex with you again on future.
The guy is an untrustworthy, lying slimeball. You’re wasting your time and emotions on the wrong guys. Even if he did leave his GF you’d never be able to trust him so why waste your time thinking about him?
Want more for yourself, stick to UNATTACHED men in future. Have respect for people’s relationships.
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