A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. I still have feelings for an ex that I was only with for one month and it's really troubling me. He wasn't my first boyfriend, and it wasn't my longest relationship, but I've never felt this way before. We had a lovely relationship, everything was going well until he suddenly broke up with me because he said he didn't know what he wanted. We broke up in March an remained sort of friends, as we had to see each other every day at school. Over the summer, we spoke occasionally. He would text me and ask how I was doing and we'd have a great chat like old times and then he'd stop responding. At one point, I was talking to his best friend and my ex was worried we would date. He called me and said he still loves me but we can't be together right now. People tell me that I am just infatuated but I think I really do love him. I know he isn't perfect. I've seen his flaws. And at the end of the day, he's always the one I want to be with. It's been 6 months since we were together and I still feel as strongly for him now as I did while we were dating, even after not seeing him in person for two months. I've talked to other guys and hooked up with other guys but I can't feel for them what I feel for him. It makes me feel bad because I know the best way to get over him is by dating someone else, but I feel guilty dating someone else while my heart belongs to him. I kind of want to tell him this but I'm scared of coming off as clingy and obsessive. I just want him to be happy and I know we both would be if we were together. I just don't know why I can't get over him and it's hurting me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (31 August 2017):
If a guy dumps you like that after 1 month, either he saw a big flaw in you that was a deal breaker, or like he mentions, he is not really sure about you and what he feels about you.It's likely that he is just as in love as you are towards him, but towards other girl, and he is making his moves to get her.He told you that he loved you just because he was jealous. There are many guys like that, that can't be with you, but can't let any one get near you. Trust me.My GF had many dudes around her that were very afraid to ask her out or tell their feelings, and they all got girlfriends or spouses, but they knocked down the changes of any other guy trying to date her, like they did with me. However, I'm a sneaky guy and I was able to get the girl.I think that the healthiest thing you can do is NOT DATING SOMEONE ELSE. Yes, regardless of what the friends your age are telling you, STOP DATING. Focus on yourself, improve yourself, focus on school, join a club, an art club, sport club, volunteer, help in charities, whatever, just keep moving and don't stay all day on facebook or watching TV or Netflix. This will make you feel better and help you forget about that guy that clearly is not THAT interested in you. And along the way, you will find guys more interesting and cool than him. Who knows, may be when this guy notices all the cool and new stuff you are doing to get over him, you might look to him more interesting, and could lead to him wanting you back. But I would honestly not count on that.You see, I don't know if you know this science fact, but different to the female brain, the males brain fully matures at age 22 to 23. So that means that you will find many kids like this one, that aren't sure what they really want on a girl. You clearly know what you want, because your brain is more mature by know, but please don't expect guys your age be as mature as you.Best luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2017): I understand your feelings. He is really the first guy that you had actually strong and real feelings for. They are the toughest to get-over, and seeing him so often doesn't help.
You were incorrect when you said the best way to get-over someone to date someone else. Actually that isn't true. It's better to deal with the feelings until you can control them; but they don't control you.
You will move-on; but at your age, this is really the first time you have felt real feelings. You're too young to let yourself obsess over a boy. Mix and mingle with your friends; get off your phone and get out and do something fun. You feel worse when you sit around and mope all-day.
You are experiencing real heart-break. Then your hormones have to climb on top and make things worse.
You're also 16, and hormones will make you moody and you'll sulk. Don't worry, it will pass. It just doesn't pass as quickly as you wish it would. Keeping busy and enjoying the company of other people you love helps a bunch.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 August 2017):
 You don't get over someone by dating someone else, that is cruel and unkind to the other person. To get over him you need to distance yourself from him, cut the contact outside off school and hang out with other friends. Don't date someone unless you are ready to.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 August 2017):
 The best way to get over him is not to date someone else. Who told you it was? The best way right now is to just be by yourself, surrounded yourself with friends and be positive without hooking up or being in a relationship. You need time to heal, to not do anything but just allow yourself to be. Some day you will get over him and then look back and smile but till then, wish him well and immerse yourself in life. Maybe it's the rejection that hurts you more than anything else
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (31 August 2017):
 Was he your first big love? We all have a special place for our first. The heartbreak is bitter sweet. You are going to mope about for a while but you will move on.
I suppose circumstances dictate whether you ever get together again. Don't worry there are other lovely people out there.
Sorry you are hurting. But welcome to a very select club - those who have loved and been loved, as opposed to those who never have.
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