A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, im a 20 year old male and in the past two years have become concerned that i may be becoming bi sexual or even gay! it started when i used to smoke canabis alot and resulting in me giving up wich is a good thing i guess, but then the thoughts continued. from a young age i was extremely turned on by women getting erections in class looking at the teacher ect but from when i was about 18 i started doubting myself.it wasnt that i found men attractive atall but the fact sometimes i couldnt get an erection with a new female when it came to sex for the first time, then it just became normal for me to not be able to get hard so i would avoid sex and meeting new girls for this reason and though that i must be gay and these thoughts have plagued me ever since.since i was 18 iv been extremley unhappy inside maybe depressed and my every other thought is are you gay oh you must be ect ect. and just of recently i decided to act upon my thoughts and watch gay porn to see what would happen as it has got to the point where i dont find men or women attractive and cannot get an erection properly only sometimes it is proper.so i watched some gay porn and it has the same affects as regular porn i will get semi hard sometimes and hard others.when i am out i dont check men out or invision them naked as i do women but seem to think that because of my erection problems that i must be gay or atleast bi...and i also am now paranoid that people think im gay even tho they dont and any little remark made about being gay i think people are being serious...can someone please tell me whats happening to me im soo confused and an ruined inside.thank you greatly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): I actually just think that you are caught up in a a spiral of performance anxiety. You avoid sex because of fear that you will not get hard. With these worries, I can guarantee that you will not get hard.
Try and get a girl into your bedroom without the intent of having sex. Just fool around, hugs, kisses, massages etc.. take off a few clothes. I bet that without the pressure to perform you will actually get an erection.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): You are NOT gay.
Some of my best friends are gay and lesbian and they certainly never act the way you do.
Your problem is another thing entirely. This thing is called Erectile Dysfunction(ED). Some of the main causes are psychological, drugs, age, arterial diseases, etc...
It can happens to straight, gay and bi. You have the desire, but you can't show it physically.
Being gay or lesbian is not something that suddenly happend in two years. The feeling and desire coming much earlier than that and since you got horny around women when you were 18, you, once again, are totally NOT gay.
You need to quickly address your problem though, since it eats up on you and makes you depressed. Seek professional help, at least go to a general doc. Maybe he can find out the root of the problem. If it happened because of substance abuse or your depression.
You are so not gay.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): How your willie reacts certainly doesnt prove your sexual preferences. All men go through periods of stress, physiological change nad hormone imbalances that affect libido. I agree with the pot to have a doctor check you out. It may be low testosterone, anxiety or a medical condition (unlikely at your age). Generally, if you get occasional erections or morning wood, it is psychological, not physical.
The fact you're worrying about it so much and thinking "gay ot not gay" is the only prognosis, leads me to believe it is performance anxiety and stress.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (29 July 2010):
 You don't really sound gay but it's more likely you have low testosterone or even erectile dysfunction (which may be a result of your former drug habit). Please consult an appropriate doctor and get yourself checked.
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