A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay I have a very serious problem which in effect could ruin my life (hope that dosent sound too drastic!) As a little girl, my father was horrendous. He was a drunk who beat my mum up all the time. When I reached the age of 6 I started to stand up for my mum which only meant he turned on me. Anyway when I was 12 my father beat me up pretty bad that I was hospitalised and finally the police listened and he was sent to prison. Ever since I could never trust men. But when I was 16 I met my bf who I am still with and love with all my heart. We are best friends and pratically a clone of each other. He knows about my past and has been my rock to overcome this. I am also now at uni and living my life fantastically.However, the other month i recieved news that my dad is being released. Those words have made me go backwards. I cant focus at Uni and have to go home (I live away) all the time in fear that he will find me. When I see my bf I cannot even let him touch me even just to hold my hand. I distrust men all over again. Then last weekend, my dad came to my house when I was there. I had panic attacks and couldnt breathe. We noe have a restraining order but its not enough. The two important things in my life, My bf and Uni are suffering. He is so supportive of me but I know it is so hard for him to be on the recieving end of me not wanting him near me. Its awful. Its like he goes to hug me and I have a flashback of my dad coming at me. I have been to councilling before and wasn't successful. I have even had cognitive therapy which didn't work either. It was my bf that got the breakthrough but now I am terrified he is going to leave me because I am so dysfuctional. I am even causing my mum worry and she cannt help me which breaks her heart. Please what do I do to overcome this? Whenever I try to talk I freeze and start to panic. The doctors turn me away with 'stress' and tell me to rest and relax. But how? How do I do that? My worst fear is I will lose my bf and have no future becasue I mess up at Uni. Please I need help anything would help thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for taking the time to answer I appreciate your comments.
I think I need to stay at Uni and speak to someone, thats a great idea and will be my next step.
My distrust in men means that for instance when my bf goes to hold my hand I have a flashback of all the pain from my past ... my doctor wont help me with this and counselling hasnt helped either. He is a lovely lovely man and he knows how much I appreciate him and what he does but for me not wanting him to touch me must hurt him so much and I cannot bear it and try so hard to focus on the future but these flashbacks wont leave me alone!!
I also think I will try writing the letter and see if it helps me to overcome anything thanks so much and any other comments would be apprciated greatly!!
A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (8 March 2009):
I am sorry your dad being released has caused you so much distress. I think it's time to write your dad a letter telling him how much damage he has caused you and your mum. Even if you never post the letter write it. Tell yourself daily that he does not represnt all men and that HE alone hurt you. Remember daily that we cannot judge someone on the behaviour of someone else. Hopefully this will help you to see that the only man you fear is the man who hurt you. As for your boyfriend, he sounds lovely and suppportive of you. Thanl him for his understanding and let him know how much he means to you. And that as soon as you work these issues through you hope he will still be there for you.
Best of luck darling. Your thug of a 'dad' scarred your childhood please don't give him the power to ruin your adult dreams too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): Hi
Please do not let fear swallow you up....and understand that growing is important and even though you can not focus at university it is actually the best thing to do. Put ALL your thoughts into something POSITIVE that will help you grow...thinking about your horrible traumatic past will shrink you. I do understand what you are saying...but please look to your wonderful future...
and stay strong...that means not pushing and mistrusting your boyfreind or other men....and above all never MISTRUST YOURSELF...GET YOUR DEGREE AND NEW DOORS WILL OPEN. Just a last thought have you thought of speaking to the university welfare folks...they are there to HELP YOU, totaly confidential..
via con dios.
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