A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My marriage was really bad 5 years ago. I went online "just to look" I told myself and replied to a message to my personals ad. This man, a Marine who lived a few hours away from me turned my whole world upside down. I felt so alive and the emails and phone calls became my everything. I did not tell this Marine that I was married in the begining, but did when he confessed that he was falling in love with me, I told him right then. He was pretty upset because he was going through a divorce because when he came home from Afghanistan he found that his wife had moved her boyfriend in. At that point we had never seen each other in person. He ended up telling me that my slate was clean with him and we met in person. Long story short is that I fell so hard for this man even before we met in person and was crushed when he broke it off. He was getting ready to go to Iraq and was too scared of getting hurt and couldn't do it he said. This will be 5 years ago this June. My husband changed for the better (it was really bad) and I never told him because I didn't want to hurt him and my family to know what a terrible thing I did. I love my husband but I still to this day ache over the loss of the Marine. How come I just can't let it go? I want to but I just can't close the door. I am stupid like standing in a store smelling his brand of shower gel and then having to book it to the car to cry. Please no lectures. I know that cheating was very wrong. I am not proud of it. My questions are how do you move on past the affair and be content and is it normal to still not be over the other person 5 years later? I changed completely. Things I used to do such as write, etc...I never touched again. It feels like a part of me died and it feels like he impacted my life in such a huge way and I really doubt he thinks about me at all. I am so lonely. I'm in a marriage that I am only in because I can't bare to hurt my spouse or our children and because I guess I just don't do the whole ALONE thing so well.(Mod note: please use proper paragraph formatting next time. A wall of text usually makes some sane readers go insane.)
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affair, crush, divorce, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Thank you for your reply. Having never discussed this to anyone, it was very liberating to unload! Yes, I treasure that brief time when I felt alive and loved. I have spent so much time hating myself for what I did and for what could not be. Personally, I feel like losing my lover and the heartbreak that came with it is my punishment. All I have is his memory but the memory is a stab in my heart. Thanks for listening though and not judging me.
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