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anonymous
writes:For a year I went out with my bf who abused me really badly, not only physically but emotionally and sexually (in which he raped me). I broke it off with him, so I guess hes always had anger towards me for that. For atleast a year after the break up, I had really bad nightmares and little things (like someone with the same scent) would remind me of him and when this would happen I would start shaking realy badly and have trouble breathing and feel like I was going to faint. I was so scared of anything that reminded me of him. However, I got over that somehow and was completely find for a while. However, recently his mother approached me and was emotionally/verbally abusing me. This brought it all back. Now I cant stop having dreams about being abused and raped and its so horrible!! I wake up so scared and I feel like I'm reliving everything agian. I know they are only dreams but it feels so real and througout the day im just in such a bad mood, I feel just out of it and feel realy down about myself, I feel like im worthless again. I dont know how to deal with this. And I dont know why I suddenly just feel like this because of his mother. I thought I had gotten over all of it.Any advice on what to do? Reply to this Question
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reader, Griffo +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Hello,
Firstly, he’s a real looser! Someday he’ll meet his match, what goes around comes around. And It’s good that you have found the strength in yourself to leave in the first place. There are women in very similar situations as you once were and can’t seem to find it in themselves to ever leave. So firstly, well done! that shows strong spirit. You have a new life ahead of you with out him.
Have you taken the opportunity to see a councillor about this? It would be a good idea to speak with someone face to face and let them guide you. I’m not sure what your current environment is like but if you live in a small town or suburb have you considered moving to another location? Sometimes this can be refreshing.
Secondly, Its highly likely he’s a very confused lost soul who feels he has to intimidate you verbally and physically in order to make you do something. Obviously you know where this all comes from, its likely his mother went through a similar experience and has effected him. A bit of a shame really.
It must have been stressful on you when you left him and that in itself was a very brave and strong thing to do. You should be proud of yourself for that! In some way think of these dreams and thoughts as the same process you are going through in leaving him. Now you have to leave them, like you left him. You can do this by creating new memories with new people and friends around you. If the dreams ruin your day try to be strong and ignore them, be positive in your attitude and that will help greatly. It will be hard but eventually it will get easier and eventually over time they will go away and when you look back at them someday you will be strong enough to think of them as a life experience.
Be strong and positive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): When I left my abusive husband, the therapist said I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress. I had the same kinds of dreams. Yes...any similar stress brings all the memories flooding back. It will just take more time. Surround yourself with loving and caring people. Eliminate as much stress as possible. That's difficult in the world we live in, but do the best you can. And when people turn on you...cut them out of your life no matter who they are!
Take Care!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): I am sorry for what you have endured this pat while. You've been through hell and so many good, wonderful people like yourself, who have been abused often do experience short and long-term feelings and reactions which can cause a lot of distress. Some have flashbacks, sudden feelings of anxiety, an inability to concentrate or feel as though everything is somehow unreal. These reactions and feelings are a very, very normal reaction to a traumatic event or events. Some medical professionals refer to this as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Now I am not saying you have this but it might be good to consider it as a possibilty and the only person who could help with this, is a therapist. The following are common symptoms experienced by people suffering from PTSD.Flashbacks..re-experiencing a traumatic event, they act as a trigger to the abuse. Dreams/nightmares and sleep disturbances. These dreams can be in the form of re-enacting or changing what happened. Unresponsiveness to surroundings. During the abuse period, you may feel almost trance-like or ‘switch off’ and have to make a concerted effort to concentrate on your surrounding. Sudden fear or panic, often for no apparent reason and there are a host of other symptoms of PTSD.Dear, not all abused persons experience all the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, most experience a number of these reactions. But if you do recognise yourself in several of the above, I suggest you seek some support to overcome these feelings. And never feel embarrassment or shame for the way you feel..you have endured something, no human should go through. Remember, you got away...and for that..hold yourself high because so many people never get away from abuse. Good for you, hun. Keep being strong and if you think these "feelings" are overwhelming, you just need some help in overcoming them. Keep being strong, keep healing and take care of yourself.
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female
reader, saisha  +, writes (24 April 2009):
hi dear,
im sorry to hear watever has happenend to u.& i do understand wat u are goin thru.but at this moment of time noone else accept you can help yourself.u are a strong girl believe in yourself.& try to divert ur mind(i know its not easy)but even impossible means I M possible.hang out with ur friends, enjoy ur hobbies spent time with your family.and plz plz plz do not talk or have any contact with him or his family.
i hope this helps. if not send me private mail.& we can sort this out.
all the best .....SAISHA
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): That's horrible. That's so terrible.
I'm so sorry about what's happened to you.
What age are you if you don't mind me asking? If you go to college there should be a councillor there you can talk to.
I really think you see someone profesional about this.
Try and relax.
Talk to your family or someone close you feel safe with.
Even if you felt like you'd gotten over it all, a year isn't that long... And if you're put in a possition where someone makes you feel vulnerable and is abusive to you, just like his mother was, then it is not suprising that it brought those memories back to you.
You can send me a private message if you want to talk more... I went through a similar situation as you (But not as bad) and don't mind telling you about it and how I'm working through it now.
Emivia x
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