A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I came out of a 10-year relationship last year and a few months back I felt ready for dating. I listened to everyone's advice on good ways to meet new people. I'm not the sort to chat women up in bars or clubs (at 36, that just isn't my thing) and I don't have a group of male friends I hang out with. The majority of my friends are female.The main suggestions were to try internet dating and join some new clubs. Internet dating has not proved a great success, as I don't live in a big city. Most of the people in my area seem to be in their 40s or 50s and the few that are in my age range (30-35) just don't have much similar common ground. Or they have kids already and I have no interest in being a father or step-father. I have had a couple of dates, and the most recent of which did have two kids (so you can't say I didn't try), but she lived 90 minutes away and while we got on, the distance and not enough common ground meant there wasn't really anything there to continue with.I've joined a few clubs, but there don't seem to be a great number of single women around in any of them and I'm not going to pretend an interest in an activity in the hope of meeting someone because it will show through.What other options are there? All my female friends tell me I would be a catch (but then I guess they would) and although I'm not good-looking I am not butt ugly. I am independent, reliable, respectful and apparently 'marriage material'. But I can't meet anyone who wants to be more than just friends and I have enough friends already, I don't really want to make many more!I'm sort of feeling about just giving up really and get so lonely at times. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. The reason I limit to that age range is that my former partner was 10 years older than I and that caused a huge problem in the last couple of years. For that reason, I do not want to 'risk' another large age gap relationship, either with someone much older or someone much younger.
I am not saying I want to settle down, I'm quite happy just dating actually, what I hate is the 'cattle market' feeling of clubbing.
I think a lot of the problem is living in a slightly rural area, there isn't a huge amount of new things to try. I also don't work in a large office or meet many new people through work.
I appreciate the comments about making friends with women, but I have so many female friends I really don't want any more. I guess at our age, most of them seem to be paired up anyway. The truth is also that there have been instances where I have developed feelings for a friend or vice versa that were not reciprocated and it ruined, sadly, the friendships.
New job and/or moving away it looks like! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Well first things first, maybe open up you age range a little more, explore things. You may meet more single people this way, you dont want to be a step father and that is pretty undestandable(i def. would not want to be a step mother) anyway try to open up a little more, to to women. Dont be shy(and as you said, you dont need to approach girls at the bar)Online dating maybe helpful but meeting someone by accident is always a possiblity, just try to limit yourself so mch. Dont be afraid to try new things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): The reasons for non success in finding women to date:
You are 36 and have limited your available age range to 30 to 35, one year younger than yourself.
Many single women over the age of 20 now days have a child, you don't want to be a step dad, well, that rules out a huge part of your dating pool, you aren't 18 any more.
You are not a guy who enjoys clubs as you seem to be more settled and wanting to settle down. Many women would fit this criteria a few years older than you are.
You are relying mostly on the internet taking a supermarket approach of picking women out like you would a good head of broccoli and you aren't finding exactly what you are looking for and ready to give up.
You've been in a 10 year relationship, you aren't going to achieve that level of common ground or connection with a stranger. Relationships are developed, nurtured and grown.
You aren't interested in making new friends, yet your current friends haven't introduced you to any new single women. Try making some new friends and expanding your horizons.
The best romances are based on friendship, making friends with a new woman is not a waste of time, you really can't expect to fall in love overnight and if you do, more than likely it won't work out. Fast connection, intsant connection is more about being attracted to someone who is wrong for you that triggers old wounds from childhood that you need to work out.
The most stable relationships grow over time.
You are keeping yourself in a narrow box and complaining you aren't having success...how's that woking for you?
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