A
male
age
30-35,
*asc9
writes:ok so I am a 19 year old guy who is very frustrated. I am pretty good looking with my life in order. I have been through 6 relationships in my life. And this is basically how they have all gone: the girl and I fall in love, we love each other very much, this lasts for about a month or so, and then she starts acting different towards me for a little while, before she tells me something like the feeling is fading, and that she doesn't see me as a boyfriend anymore, but only as a really good friend. But I really just don't have it in me to be only friends with a girl I have feelings for. And even with the girls who I ask out but don't get into a relationship with, this happens. Most recently, I have been heartbroken, because a girl who I really loved did this to me, and I would do about everything to have her back. And this made me think I need to change something, but I cant figure out what. Like I have tried being the "nice" guy that every girl claims to want, I have tried being the "cocky" guy the "experts" claim girls really want, and I have tried about everything else in between, but I've still been getting the same results. I just cant understand it. I was wondering if anyone on here has any idea what I should do? Like is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Or are girls my age normally supposed to pull this stuff. I appreciate your help, as this has been eating away at me since my most recent breakup, and I haven't been able to sleep at night or anything. And happy new year to everyone!
View related questions:
heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, roadman  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Your a young guy,love gets a bit deeper as you get older,young women are also still just finding themself and just testing the waters so to speak...don't worry about it,when the right one comes along you'll both settle for a longer time...Its part of the process
A
female
reader, searbear +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Never stop trying at any stage in a relationship. Keep things exciting. Thats all i can suggest and i wouldn't try figuring out what women want because us women don't even know 9 times out of 10.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): a decent 1 is write we are complicated creatures and to REALLY under stand us will take a life time.
...............................
A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 19 years and you wanna Understand women...?
Wait for another 20 years guy..!! We turn Bald and Old by the time we understand what a women wants.. !! Really.
G'day
...............................
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Hello Pasc9,
When relationships do not works it does not mean that you are neccessarily doing anything wrong. Just not meant to be that is all. Cliche it may sound but perhaps the time could be wrong or even 2 people being in two different places.
I do not believe that you should try being this and that. Just be yourself, always be yourself! Otherwise sooner or later, you find yourself compromising to much.
Anyway, the right girl will accept you the way you are. If not, she is simply not the one for you.
Being good looking is imaterial to a solid relationship, it takes a lot of effort from both parties to keep it exciting, fun and loving.
You may ask 1000 women what they want and get different answers every time because everyone is different. Do not believe in labels.
If you are a naturally loving,considerate, passionate guy with sense of humour then you have a good chance of pleasing most women.
In my opionion some relationships fail because one or both parties may become complacent with one another. Passion can reduce when the level of excitement is no longer there.
Like the feeling when you have when you first go out on a date or before the first kiss. Althought for most people, familarity takes the relationship to the next level, for others it takes the excitment away.
However there are so many other reasons why early relationships do not work. Perhaps expectations are not met, differences are to great to accept, feelings fade, one party is getting serious to soon, and people just drift apart. None of these may not be anyone's fault, just part of an experience in life.
I understand your predicament of how can you learn a lesson from a relationship if you do not know what it went wrong in the first place.
In truth, you may not find the answer here, because not being involved in your previous relationships, it hard to tell what exactly went wrong.
My advise to you is this: Be yourself and if you like the person you are with, always try to make them feel special, providing you are happy also.
You you will meet your soul mate, making relationship work will not be feel like you need to understanding the "female brain" as some would say, but simply you will feel happy and loved.
It sucks now, because you were hurt and a broken heart takes time to heal. Whatever you decide to do next, give yourself time to recover before getting involved with someone else. This will help prevent taking anger or insecurity issues to a new relationship.
Take it from me that it can happen, and it does not help to go out with someone expecting the worst to happen.
You may not realize it at the time, but it may feel to them that you are punish them for someone else's mistakes.
Hey, I had to kiss a few frogs before I met my Prince. So do not be surprised it does not work at first!
You are in your prime, enjoy yourself and do not let this let you know. Chin up, positive thinking and lots of hugs!
Wishing you a Fantastic New Year in 2009. Remember that if someone makes you cry, they may not be worth your tears!
Take care
Angel of Love
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (1 January 2009):
 My boyfriend was in the same predicament you are in. He said every one of his girlfriends before me did the same thing to him. They would date for a few months and then the girl would say "I just don't have that connection with you. We should be friends." He also told me he does the same thing you did, with one girl he acted tough like a jock (he played football), with another he acted like a player-type who didn't care etc. On our first date he wasn't talking much and seemed really shy. I told him to open up and be himself, I hate fake guys and can always tell when they aren't being themselves. Long story short we are together after 7 months and I love him to death. My advice is to keep trying. Try not to get too attached early on because a month is pretty soon to be saying you are so in love. And above all BE YOURSELF. Putting on a persona doesn't get you anywhere. A girl will love you for exactly as you are, the right one just hasn't come along yet. I know it all probably sounds cliche and something you have heard 1000 times before but it is the truth. If this current girl says there is no connection like that then there is nothing you can do. Whatever you do don't continuously call her or try to force anything on her. Be friends and maybe she will change her mind. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): Just be yourself. If you're not the "nice" guy and you're not the "cocky" guy, be the guy in between. Be respectful of women and everyone else around you but stand your own ground. You're my age and I know that I have plenty of time to look for the "one", so...take your time. If you're still saying all this fifteen years from now, you might need to reassess a few things. But until then, don't be too worried about getting and keeping a girlfriend. Someday, you will find a girl that keeps her feelings about you and everything will be all happy. lol
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): Happy new year! Hope its a good one.
Its something your doing . . . your NOT being yourself!!! Your acting like a guy you "think" a girl would like, thats why after about a mounth they go off you. They've fallen for the person your not and when you reveal your true colors be it good or bad there disapointed. Try being your self. Girls love a guy thats him self around her and thats not out to prove something. If you follow the advice your bound to have a true relationship lasting longer that a mounth.
All the best xx
...............................
|
