A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I'm 16 years old and very unsure of my sexuality. Most people say I'm just going through the time where I'm exploring 'different paths' however I've been unsure of this since I was about 11 years old. I've had a couple of boyfriends, however nothing serious and it was not 'love', but since I was small there are certain girls I look at and get instant butterflies because I just think they're amazing but I could never see my self 'settling down' with a female, I always imagine that with a male yet sexually men do nothing for me! I've always wondered whether this makes me lesbian, bisexual or what as it's always been sat in the back of mind until recently. There's a female teacher at my school (obviously a crush, would never act upon it!), she's 24, and I just think she's the most beautiful woman and she's so kind - it's things like this which makes me think is this normal? I'm not one for talking openly about my issues so I've never spoken to my friends about anything like this and I don't think I ever will, likewise with parents. I just want to know people's opinions, and if anyone has any advice? Thankyou x
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 I am a gay female and can relate to you in quite a way.
I'm 29 now, but when I was your age, I was really confused, too. I felt just like you explain feeling; that you dated guys but felt nothing for them but got intense butterflies and feelings towards women.
If I speak honestly, I think it's most likely societal pressure that's making you feel like you need to settle down with a man over a woman, not your heart. fully embracing your sexuality is definitely not always easy. A lot of people have a hard time coming to terms with it because society tells us we need to be with the opposite sex to settle down and have families. thing is, you'd truly be denying yourself of real happiness if you did this. If you feel all of these things for girls and none of it for guys, what makes you say you want so badly to be with a guy?
For me, what other people thought mattered so much, I sacrificed my own happiness for quite some time. I dated men all the way up through college before I realized I was lying to myself and also hurting those guys, too. Because like you, I felt nothing for them. But I wanted to be straight so badly, because I wanted to be "normal," that I was willing to sacrifice my happiness until I finally could no longer pretend.
Going against a societal norm is hard and it's scary. Granted, it's becoming more and more accepted every day, however, it's still not easy. And we don't realize how much society truly does pressure us to stick to the straight and narrow - pun intended.
You remind me a lot of me when I was your age. I fell for girls because it's what came natural to me. But I tried to force having boyfriends to fit in. Don't force yourself to do something that doesn't make you happy. Be proud of who you are and who you love. And don't let society tell you otherwise. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness. If you spend your whole life making others happy, you'll wake up one day and realize life completely passed you by.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 February 2014):
 If you only are aroused by women, that definitely points more to being a lesbian. I think for a young person it's very hard to imagine a normal family life with someone of the same sex, but it's certainly possible. For now, everyone else is right and you are still young and figuring things out. You'll just need to start dating and experimenting to figure out what feels right and what you want.
Teachers, male or female are not a good way to judge your sexuality. People often develop very complicated and confusing feelings for teachers that feel sexual but are actually more of a platonic infatuation.
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