A
female
age
41-50,
*utterfly77
writes:My story is a long one. I have been having an affair with a man for almost two years. Its the usual story. When the affair began,I was married. I left my husband, which was difficult, but I left not for the other man because the marriage was failing. The man I've been having the affair with, had a partner when I met him (they didn't live together). I tried to stop seeing him but we have continued. Now his partner is living in his house with him. He still texts me during the day. Lately, we have been arguing a lot. I have accussed him of using me just for sex. I saw him two weeks ago and we had sex. The jealousy of him going home to her just about killed me. I text him and told him this - to which he responded " I do understand". So I asked him if he'd had sex with her and he said no. No surprise there! Of course he would say that. He says I don't see him for the person he really is. I always look for the bad in him and I'm a mistrusting person - he is right about that. I asked him if he was happy with his partner moving in? (She has only been living with him for 5 weeks). He said no I'm not everything is up in the air and I don't know what to do. I want to be his friend. I want to be sympathetic to his situation but I am jealous of her and that she is with him all the time. We used to call one another and text practically every night. I know it sounds silly but I miss not being able to speak to him at night now. I can't get him out of my head. It is driving me crazy. During the two years he has always said he has an almost non exsistant sex life with his partner. They have been together for 4 years and he is divorced. Since I've known him he has always moaned about her. I've always been direct with him and said well maybe you should finish the relationship then. He says that I knew his situation and that we did what we did because we both wanted to do and enjoys being with me. I told him that he was just having his cake and eating it! again he said this isn't the case as we agreed to do what we did. I feel he always defends himself and he continually says that I "have him wrong". I feel I can't move on from him. His partner was supposed to move in last year and he stalled her for 11months. He said he had left it too late to do anything about it and had little choice in the matter. She was living at her mothers with her son etc. Is he a liar? I feel like I never know who he is. We did initially have a friendship when all of this began and the attraction sparked from that. We used to confide in one another about everything. I want to believe he IS a good man but I'm not so sure he is. I am deeply in love with him and I want to tell him this. I want to be happy but I feel so down with all the arguing that we do. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.
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affair, divorce, jealous, liar, move on, sex life, spark, text, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): The only way to find out how much he loves you is to move on. Start dating other people and make sure he knows it. Refuse to see him unless he stops living with her - I guarantee you cannot see him and not end up in bed - keep contact to phone calls where you tell him of your dates. If he is using you, he will drop out of sight. If he truly loves you, he will be scared to lose you and he will leave the one he is with. You are pushing him and yourself to get out of the rut you are in. Yes - it will hurt if he decides to stay with her but you need to move on with your life and find someone that is yours alone. You deserve better than this. Know that. By doing this you will be doing all three of you a favor in the end. He is either using you or wishy-washy - find out which it is. Only then can you be sure who and what he is really made of.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): Don't you love when karma catches up to your life? I am not sure why you're even here, telling us your story and asking for advice. Yours is a black and white situation. He's using you for sex - yes, it's that simple. He's just not that into you lady, or else he would be moving in with you, or have an exclusive relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 If you have no trust in him I don't think the relationship will work..
I have a long time bf for 7 yrs and it all started with little argument and that it went out of hand.
He lied several times and that lied made me hate him until now..
I was so jealous about almost everything and I demanded most of his time and I want him to tell me all things he is doing.
Well eventually we both get tired of each other that we ended up hating ourselves both.
All I'm saying is rship can't survive without the full trust to your partner.
If you love him trust him if you don't trust him then better off move on...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Of course you can't trust him, he's a cheater but then so are you. His girlfriend has moved in with him and they are now a family (she has a son)and trust me, they are enjoying a sexual relationship as well. You are his bit on the side and nothing more. Time to wise up chickie and pull yourself and your life together. If you truly want to be happy you have to move on and I think you already know this.
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