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female
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*ittykat123
writes: Hello - I really need some advice. Ok. I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost 7 years. I thought things were going okay - we were saving up to move out together and I really thought we were meant to be. Anyway, he then went and bought an apartment in another country as an investment. I was upset as he hadn't discussed this with me. He then tells me he is going to America skiing with a group of people - people I am not allowed to meet as they are HIS friends, two of which are girls. I have a feeling that one of these girls likes him. I was a bit naughty and checked his cell phone messages and she had texted him almost 18 times in one day! He was away for valentines day in America and he didn't even text me to say happy valentines day. I was really upset. He then flys home and texts me to say that he is too tired to drive home so will be spending the night in London. I knew where he was staying, but I think I was in denial about it. I texted him a few times and left several voice messages on his cell phone, but didn't get any response. Anyway, I don't hear from him until 18.00 the next day - he landed at 11.00 the previous day. He told me they had just woken up, btu was driving home now. He had spent the night at her flat. Whether anything happened, I don't know but I was so hurt and upset. He kinda did reverse psychology on me and said that I had to trust him etc, etc and I had a problem. Anyway, I just don't know what, if anything, I feel for him anymore. I;m not sure whether I am in love with somebody else. I met this really lovely and wonderful man last year who I worked briefly with. We got on very well and people who saw us together said we had such a natural rapport and chemistry. He is so different from my boyfriend - really caring. He has since left, but we've kept in touch and have been emailing and texting one another. I don't know whether I am reading his signals wrong or not, but would really appreciate some advice. He has sent me some beautiful music and one song in particular, the words were just beautiful and I didnt know whether what this is what he really wants to say to me or not. We also met up over the weekend as he said he would like to watch the sun set with me. I don't know whether I am reading too much into this, but I'd be interested to know whether there is a slight possibility that this other guy has feelings for me as I think I have/am falling for him. Thanks. Kate, Devon, England.
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female
reader, kittykat123 +, writes (28 March 2006):
kittykat123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. Basically, I've dumped my boyfriend. I'd had enough. He told me he was going to spend the weekend in London with this girl, I wasn't to go with him because it HIS social group of friends. Anyway, am just happy with things are at the moment. If things develop with this other guy, than great - I think I'd really like them to now my head is clear. But he is busy with exams etc. at the moment, so I am going to give him space for these and then see what develops after he has got those out of the way.
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male
reader, juttandmeff  +, writes (18 March 2006):
If he just went to the States with no discussion and no input from you, then I'd say there's something seriously wrong here, and the same applies to the purchase of the investment property. I'm not clear from your message whether you live together already or not, but 7 years strikes me as quite some time to spend dating without moving in if that's the case, and it certainly qualifies you both to take decisions jointly, IMHO!
That said, I found the second half of your message interesting: in the first half, you complain that your boyfriend is receiving texts from a woman who may like him, and then in the second half you say you've been texting and e-mailing a guy who may like you. Is sauce for the goose not sauce for the gander? Is it possible he's seen these or heard of them, and is 'paying you back'?
The only way you're going to sort this out is to sit down and talk about it, honestly and openly. And that means you being open and honest as well as him. Who knows what will come out, but if there is something going on with this other woman, you need to walk away now - after all this, if you don't you're effectively giving him permission to do it again.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Hi Kate. I'm not going to beat around the bush here: it sounds, to me, like your boyfriend is a jerk. Obviously I don't know him, but it sounds like he is treating you like crap. Don't let him pull that BS on you about trust. He should be calling you and letting you know what is up. After 7 years, he shouldn't be going on vacations with friends you don't know. You should know all of his friends by now. You say you are saving money for a place together, but he is spending money and not even telling you until afterwards because it is his business??!! Sorry, but if I really loved the guy, I would put my foot down, tell him I am tired of being a doormat and if he didn't change his sorry ways, I would leave. But if you have lost feelings for him and things do not sound like they are going well at all, then I think you should just dump him and move on. As far as the other guy goes, it sounds like he does have feelings for you, but I wouldn't rush into dating someone else right away. I would get rid of the present guy and spend a little time alone first before you do that. Hope it works out for you!
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A
female
reader, independentwomen14 +, writes (17 March 2006):
I think you should think if you still love your current boyfriend and ask him straight out if he is attracted 2 this other girl and if you really dont feel anything for him then dump him and go for it with this other guy you only live life once
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