A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I 30 and 26 respectively. We just hit the year milestone on our relationship July 11. I haven't verbally spoken to her since two days prior to my bday when she unofficially broke up with me June 27. Anyway I haven't desired to call her and tell her July 1st not to call me until I emotionally heal since she wanna play breakup games to see where my heart is and if I'll actually leave. Well.... Now I like texting her only. And don't wanna talk to her. We've been so peaceful, loving, and supportive to one another. I wish things would remain so perfect. Sad thing is though she wants to call me. I don't get why she's so mean to me and its either her way or nothing. I compromise a lot, because I love her. But she mistreats me. She lies to me about small things such as days of the week and her menstrual. She even lied about where she worked. She's secretive because we both are closeted lesbians and she doesn't want anyone finding out. I want a family and a future and she always avoid that by saying I want to be with you. She hates when I'm asking questions and she becomes rude to me. So I enjoy texting only because she haven't been anything of the above. I'm not perfect but I try to be her everything. And sometimes I fall short. I'm not sure what to do, continue to text and allow the relationship to diminish or pick up and forgive her. One hard thing to deal with is her headgames. She does things like text me accidentally while the intent was someone else. Then she'll text and say so who else you be texting. She does this reverse psychology mindgame on me often. I really need someone eagle eye and a second opinion. My flaws are I like romance, talking on the phone, spending time, complaining if somethings bothering me and asking questions if I sense something. The later two my gf hates. Also we have a long distance relationship by 90 miles.
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broke up, lesbian, long distance, she lies, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (14 July 2011):
 #1 unofficially broken up according to my girlfriend means not agreed upon by both.
When one person wants out of the relationship it IS over. Two people do not have to agree on the circumstances of the break up.
#2 I haven't to desired to call her because I recently had oral surgery
Important fact why you did not want to talk to her!
#4 This knowledge of her menstrual helps me avoid some of those romantic letdowns that I otherwise would definitely fall victim to.
Hetero couples fall into the same problem. So, she lied to you and I assume ruined your romantic intentions.
#5 So thanks RedAthena for the attempt I do appreciate it although your very far off target.
The opinion was based on the info you provided dear. Since you are to determined to make it work because both of you will it so, then best wishes.
From what you shared, you are both very emotional people and particular about what you want. The fireworks are interesting Im sure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): end this relationship for good, by just remaining out of contact. A relationship with someone who plays head games will always be like "this" so unless you want to continue this toxic cycle you should move on from her.
people who play head games only get with and marry people who are too confused and weak to stand up for themselves. such relationships and marriages are unhappy ones, and the people who stay in them, are unhappy but choosing to be that way because they're too insecure to break free to find a better life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to RedAthena. Five important facts: #1 unofficially broken up according to my girlfriend means not agreed upon by both. So when she says I just wanted a reaction from u and breaking up isn't what I want, I believe her. However trivial she may be, I stand by her on "that one". #2 I haven't to desired to call her because I recently had oral surgery and told her in a text I need time to heal and to rest from the pain. Doctors say it'll take six weeks n it only been almost 2wks. #3 I text her only bc of the recent surgery I had prior to that we were talking. #4 I ask her about her menstrual bc I don't wanna play romantic getaways where she's going to be extremely irritated and uncomfortable. Because she's very irritable and hates romance when she's on. This is obviously important to every lesbian. No woman wants to find out their lady is on her menstrual by licking her blood (pardon my language). Not just sexual intimacy any close intimacy she rejects, so I ask for the both of us bc I know she can shoot my plans for romance down in a heartbeat. This knowledge of her menstrual helps me avoid some of those romantic letdowns that I otherwise would definitely fall victim to. #5 I'm obviously with her bc I love her and believe in making it work especially when the other person says of course it can work but all things have it challenges that we together can overcome. So thanks RedAthena for the attempt I do appreciate it although your very far off target.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): why are you even thinking of getting back with her?? Read your own post!!! you know exactly what will happen if you get back together. Is it what you want? No? then don't get back together!
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Hello, It's time to let this one go. You are tired of this now and she is just playing with you because she isn't interested or doesn't give a damn. A LDR of 90 miles can be a nightmare with this begaviour. Don't contact anymore. She has broken up with you so let it go. You are both tired of things.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 July 2011):
"unofficially broke up with me June 27."How does one "unofficially" break up?"I haven't desired to call her"THEN DONT. It is immature to call up someone to say "Do not call me until I feel better about you."That would mean YOU are playing the game. If someone calls you that you do not want to talk to, do not answer the call!Now I like texting her only. And don't wanna talk to her.This is immature as well. Grown ups talk to each other when they are communicating. Texting is an avoidance to the real problem at hand. We've been so peaceful, loving, and supportive to one another. I wish things would remain so perfect. Sad thing is though she wants to call me. I don't get why she's so mean to me and its either her way or nothing. Relationships do change. At first, there is the rush and the chemistry, but if there is no substance or social skills (texting avoids practicing the SKILL of socialization, negotiation and problem solving) you are cheating yourself out to see IF things CAN heal.You do not heal a relationship with seperation. Seperation is a cool off time for your emotions to see if you really want to be together.She lies to me about small things such as days of the week and her menstrual. She even lied about where she worked. Then why be with someone who lies? What business of it is yours when she actually menstruates?She's secretive because we both are closeted lesbians and she doesn't want anyone finding out. I want a family and a future and she always avoid that by saying I want to be with you. She hates when I'm asking questions and she becomes rude to me. So I enjoy texting only because she haven't been anything of the above. I'm not perfect but I try to be her everything. And sometimes I fall short. Then your values do not mesh. You are on different pages of what you want out of life and what you want out of the relationship. Not a good match! It does not work well for either one of you.It seems like you are with her, just to have "someone" in your life out of lonliness. There are no games if you do not play too. Stop keeping "score"-end of game.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
 If you can't even talk to her on the phone then I think it's time for you to end it. She's not going to change and she doesn't take your feelings into consideration.Be with someone who doesn't make you sad and isn't ashamed to be with you.Hope I helped.
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