A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I've been in a couple long-term relationships and so has my bf. I know we all miss a bit of what we had back when but are happy with what we've got now. My current is a great boyfriend and I wouldn't trade him in, but we do have a lousy sex life. Something my ex and I never struggled with. Same goes for my bf and his ex, they had the best sex life he's ever had. We've discussed that maybe he's just getting older or is more focused on work, but I think there's more. I want to ask him, but I don't know how. His ex works for a company down the road from him and she was recently featured in the paper for her outstanding work. It has a great picture of her, she's skinny, beautiful, full-busted, blonde and blue eyed. She's really intelligent and very successful. Me on the other hand, I'm pretty, petite (small busted) and thing. My bf is swedish and I know he's expressed how pretty blonde girls are, but I'm brunette. He doesn't make me feel bad, and never says anything or wishes I were different, but I feel nauseous after all this. I'm still in grad school, and I'm trying to improve the way I speak. I sometimes feel that he wishes I were as well spoken as his ex, or as stimulating as his ex, both to him sexually and in my hobbies and activities in life (she's an activist, feminist and big into politics and environmental affairs). He's not, but I think maybe he wants someone who isn't as 'low-key' as I am. Should I ask him if this is the case, or just let it worry me forever?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): Maybe the lack of confidence is killing the spark.
Try being more aggressive and confident.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Never compare yourself to another woman. He is with you for his own reasons, do you know what they are?You may find yourself suprised that he is with you because you are OPPOSITE her. If you worry and beat yourself up, you are going to damage your own self esteem, which is ALWAYS a libido destroyer.If you do not feel good about yourself, you will not feel sexy and let loose in the bedroom. Find your OWN brand of beautiful and sexy and talk to him about revving up your sexlife.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
 He's not with his ex so there's no need to think about their sex life. Be yourself in bed and make your sex life your own, not like him and his ex. Maybe you could look up some different sex positions. There's at least 100 so find the ones you and your partner would be interested in and try them out.
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