A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my commitment-phobiac bf for 3 and a half yers now and we've lived together for 2 years. Now I've bought a house of my own and I really don't want him to move in with me. I tried talking to him about it and he said that once you live together you cannot not live together anymore and still be together. Thing is, I need my space and I really cannot cope with the idea of having him around in my pretty little house. I'm getting a little tired of him, I admit- but I'm not ready to leave him... yet.What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): i agree with tisha, you are at a crossroads and its time to make some hard choices. I dont think it will work to maintain this relationship and kick him out at the same time. i wouldnt have lived with him either but you did..so he expects it now and it will be humiliating to him to continue on after you have kicked him out i think. it will definitly redefine things between you. So you need to really think hard about where you want to be in five years. If you cant see him living in your house then, i wouldnt take him there now...but be very clear that you are going to end this relationship. goodluck, mal
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 If you are getting tired of him and don't want him around, are you quite sure you should even be in the relationship? Or are you just fed up and angry that he hasn't asked you to marry him?
I guess it's big decision time for you. You could try telling him that he can move in with you, as long as he carries you across the threshold after your wedding, but not before then. If that is what you want, marriage. If not, and you want space and distance from him, well, it sounds to me as though he'll take that as a break up. Either way, this is one of those life moments that come along and crystallize things for you. He's happy with the status quo, you are not. You're about to set a new status quo that he won't be happy with.
Personally, I wouldn't be browbeaten into having him move in with me, but then I probably wouldn't have been living with him for 2 years either. A move in for me means the next step is marriage, and soon.
Have you financially benefitted from living with him, which has allowed you to save the money to buy the house? Has he helped you with the money for this, or have you done this all by yourself with no help (or hindrance) from him? He may feel he has a stake in the new house.
Time for real analysis and tough choices, I think.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 December 2009):
You need to really talk to him. You're saying you're getting tired, adn you don't want him to move in with you. I hate to tell you this, but now you're sounding like a commitment phobe. Work out what you want from yoour relationship. At the end of the day, if you are tired of him, and you don't want to move in with him, you need to end it and move on. Don't waste your time or his. Sit down somewhere where you can think carefully, then make a decision about whether you want this to end
...............................
|
