A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello. i have been with my girlfriend now for almost a yr, we have slept with the same amount of people in the past before we met and have both been relatively unlucky in past relationships. i love her to bits and she loves me the same. we have amazing sex together and she is everything i have ever wanted. theres just one thing i cant get out of my head about her past. about 4 years ago she had a 1 night stand with someone famous, a filmstar that most girls would want a piece of. i want to get this out of my head and move on before it destroys the relationship. it has come between us a lot and we have spoken at length and in detail about it and this helps, but i just cant get it out of my head. this actor is a bit of a pin up and i think the thing that bothers me most is the fact that theres no one like this in my past. i dont want to lose her, but i cant go on like this, its driving me insane! HELP! cheers :)
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male
reader, Saleem  +, writes (10 August 2008):
I hope this helps..
I was a virgin before my gf but she slept with 18 men before me.
It bothered me sooo much that it was all i could think about.
I talked to her and let her know exactly how i felt and i asked her to disconnect herself completely from her past and let us move on with out lives together..this meant not talking to them, seeing them, hanging out with them but most importantly and especially in your situation stop talking about them and about the past..
every time it bothers you or it comes to your mind remember that she already experienced it so now that she is with you if she gets a chance to be with another movie star she wont go for it because she already did it..no "i wonder how itll be" or "i wonder if he's good" there will be nothing in her mind except not making that mistake..trust me although these things dont seem to be a good thing they are..you just wont see it right away..
A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (4 August 2008):
 I agree with Sappy, you must get over her past.
I can see where you're coming from, you're trying to get into competition with her aren't you? If you'd slept with a famous actress or singer, would that have made you feel better, evened things out, maybe?
Just be grateful that she has you now, and that you make her happy. Enjoy her.
Don't spoil your relationship because of what she did then. If you lose her because of your insecurity, you're gonna regret it.
Be happy, don't worry.
: )
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 hmm.. i wonder why she told you this in the first place. I guess she is proud of the fact that she is hot enough to land a movie star. Although this is in her past, i think she and you need to let it go if you guys want to build a future together.
First off, don't compare yourself to this movie star, just because he is "famous" doesn't mean that he is a better man than you are. Brush aside your insecurities and enjoy the relationship that you have with each other. If she doesn't bring up this topic again, then you shouldn't either. If she keeps bringing it up, then it has to be her insecurity problem. It's her way of reminding you how Lucky YOU are to have her.
Whatever the case.. You have to get over it. Let the past remain in the past.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): Wow thank you so much for your replies guys. i do know and understand what you are both saying. she says she isnt proud of it, and that she doesnt ever think about it now but theres a few things that i have come across that sugest otherwise which leads me to believe that she maybe is proud of it. she used to work for a large organisation and while she was working away from home with a huge group of people, this is when this one night stand happened. basically she was known for it within her job and this is also what annoys me somewhat, even though i dont know any of the people she used to work with. i know i need to get over it and that it is nothing to do with me, but its easier said than done! i have known about this from the early stages of the relationship but since then not an hour goes by when i dont think about it. maybe i do see him as better than me, better looking, etc etc, maybe i just wanna sh@g someone of the same calibre to even it out but i know thats never gonna happen... aarghh!!!
thanks again for the replies people it means a lot :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): The only thing that should matter to you is who she is after you two get together.
Her past is past. I don't see the logic here. You say you love her so much, don't want to lose her but you are also the one bringing up problem? It is not easy to get a person you love, love you back.
From my current relationship, I clearly know my gf doesn't love me that much. She even admit it herself. She is actually pushing herself away from me. I am waiting for her words to end it. I can accept everything about her yet we couldn't make it.
If you yourself is the only problem, let it go else you might lose a relationship that could be so wonderful to have.
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