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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, i am 16 and i am in a serious relationship, we've been together for a year and five months. I'm having a lot of problems with his past and i dont know how to stop thinking about it. No matter what i do i think about who all he's been with and everything they did, and to be honest it's killin me inside. i'm always depressed and we talk about it all the time. he says he's forgotten all about it but i havent. i dream about it i think about it atleast twice a day and im tired of it. i've repeated "i dont care" over and over and over again but its not helping. i dont want to break up with him because of it but is there anything i can do to not let it bother me so bad? please help me!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): This might get easier over time, but it might not. You've been together for some time already, so perhaps this is irreconcilable? There is nothing this guy can ever do to change the past, you must ever come to get over it, and realise he is with you now, or, you must accept you do not want to be with someone with a sexual past like his. Saying "I don't care" will probably not do any thing because you quite obviously do. Perhaps if you spend some time actually thinking *why* it bothers you, rather than focusing on it *actually* bothering you, you might come up with some new answers. Example, it might be hard to admit, but you might just be jealous that other women have been with him. Or, it could be that he has been involved in sexual experiences that you, yourself, would not get involved in.
I think after a year and a half together you do need to either put this behind you, or move on. I think it is quite likely that he may eventually loose feelings for you if he continues thinking that you despise his past so much. Your views are bound to make him feel like you are better than him (no matter how much you say you arn't). Be careful about your situation leading to this; I'm sure it would be pretty upsetting if you spend all this time depressed and unhappy about his past only to eventually find he is the one who breaks up with you.
Good luck, personally speaking I think it will be a huge weight and burden off your mind if you do decide to go your seperate ways. As you get through the breakup, the memories and dreams will stop and they will no longer bother you again. Next relationship; find out someones past before falling for them; you don't want to make the same mistake twice. Good luck with whatever you decide to do though! :)
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