| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, Recently my girlfrien and I decied to take some space after I failed to meet a dealine as to when we were going to be engaged. It was recomended that we take some space by a couples therapist. Yet, after I moved out she told me she wanted to take a "brake" and that she wanted us to have the freedom to see other people. Then two weeks later I find out that she is interested in somone else. While she has not done anything with this person it still hurts.I know that i agreed to alow us to see other people , but since I heard this I have crying all the time and throwing up after every meal. I am sacrd that she is or has or will move on. The problem is that we still love each other, or at least I still love her. What can I do to get her back? How do I keep her? And can I do to fix this relationship?
View related questions:
engaged, move on, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 First, you have to take some deep breaths. I've got hard news for you.You can't "get her back". She has to want to come back, and that's a different kettle of fish. You can't "fix" the relationship if she likes it as it is.The second bit of news is that you might need to face that there's a future without your girlfriend. Remember that you managed to exist for all the years you were alive before you met her, and if worst comes to worst, you'll survive being without her. It feels terrible when someone withdraws their affection, but it's a normal experience, and you'll survive it if you stop panicking.Here's what I ~think~ is happening in your girlfriend's brain: She's had some doubts about the relationship for while (which is probably why you ended up at therapy). After the therapist suggested you take some time apart, your girlfriend realised that she felt better about her life while on her own. Her saying she wanted "a break" was a cheap way to say she's not interested in the way that she was. The future of your relationship isn't determined yet, but at this stage, it looks like you're not together. You may have to learn to accept that and try to move on.Sadly, you don't have the power to drag her back to you. Even if you did, say, "guilt" her into come back to you if she doesn't want to, you can't have a fulfilling relationship with a person who doesn't love you back. Can you?You need to take yourself back to the therapist NOW, NOW, NOW. Go on your own. You need to talk about your fear of being without her, and try to answer the question you've been avoiding, which is "what's the worst thing that can happen if I'm left alone?"Try not to worry. The pain of a broken relationship can't kill you, but people do stupid things when they're hurt, and you shouldn't take that risk. Look after yourself. Get to the therapist alone. Talk about your fear, so you can get over it.In the meantime, whatever is going on with your girlfriend will begin to work towards its eventual resolution.
|
