A
female
age
41-50,
*ancy1920
writes:Were do I start I have been married for 15 years with 3 smalll childern I would not say it been happy but I have learned to deal with issues. My husband for year verbablly abused and emotionally drained me after he found out c years ago that I had a gambling problem it took him many years to forgive me bt he always made sure I was the one who caused our problems. Over the past 3 years he became abusive to the point were I felt like I was worthless but because I also am a strong person I always fought back. About e years ago I decided to change myself to save my marriage gave up my career to stay home with the kids and spend more time with him. We shared a place with my parents and we decided to move out on our own. These are the things I thought would make him happy. We seen to be getting along great for about a year untill I discovered he was having an emotional affair with someone at work wf years younger. He said they we're only friends and he never touched her but why hide the friendship why did he have to speak with her at least 10 times a day not including the interaction at work. :e started going to the gym every night and would not be home untill 1:00 am hid her phone # under a fake name would spend hours and hours on his cell phone untill the day a got a hold of his phone records 3000 talk time minutes per month for 5 months. I know something was wrong I would beg him to stay home with the kids and myself I would try and talk with him to try to connect I even went so far as to change our sex life and spice it up to bring him closer but be would neglect and abandon me. -t has been 5 months since - found out about the emotional affair he says he stop talking to her and is trying to be a good husband but I can't bring my self to trust him he only admitts talking with her and not telling me pretty vague and when I bring it up he shuts it down he has never said anything bad about this person and he believes it was not an affair what should I do?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 3000 talk minute a month and coming home at 1am. This is MUCH more than a friendship! He needs to admit to that.
Understand that men will lie and lie in situations like this, even when it is obvious to everyone that they are lying.
Only he knows the truth. But from what you have said I can only say what I think looks most likely. And that is that he had an affair.
A
female
reader, nancy1920 +, writes (13 September 2010):
nancy1920 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply I would like to say last night I decided to have a heart to heart with my husband I even wrote down everthing that I wanted to say for the last 5 months I know he did not feel like he did anything wrong but start a friendship but I knew it was more then that I tried to open his eyes to the reality of of he acctually did and were this special friendship was leading to. He says he understands what I am saying and he apolized for making me feel this way and many times throygh our discussion he would tell me it was only feelings of friends I am so hurt because he still does not no why and he admitted during the time he was doing this he knew I was trying to work things out with him but he didn't care. What should I do I still love him with all my heart but I can not understand why a person would want to treat his spouse like a worthless piece of garbage after all they have been through
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (11 September 2010):
If he wasn't getting home until 1am it was very possibly more than an emotional affair. Perhaps you don't trust him now because he never came clean about what really happened. The suggestion below about couples counseling is a good one, it's hard to suggest much more than that. It seems that you both want to make things work now, that's a good basis for putting things right in this way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): 3,000 minutes a month is a lot, but his tactic is that it wasn't an issue and you've seemed to have allowed this defense. It obviously is bothering you, and remains unaddressable in the relationship. Without him validating your feelings and vesting your confidence and trust your marriage will fail, or continue to be miserable. I would recommend getting a third party, such as a marriage counselor psychologist to talk to both of you. Honestly, there is a always a push and a pull in situations like these and while this is the front of the list for you, I guarantee there is something else that has pushed him to allow this girl to pull him further from you. Bottom line, you're going to need to get some professional help. If he refuses to go, go by yourself, but always arrange for last minute baby sitting in the event he offers to come along at the last minute. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Is "emotional affair" the new term for "female friendship"?
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