A
female
age
41-50,
*eepBlueSkies
writes:I got into a relationship (my first) last year and really clicked with the guy. I thought it was going great. Problem is he was a postgrad student with lots of work to do. We broke up after 5 months because he just couldn't physically handle a relationship with all the work (ie. no meetings, mails, texts for weeks etc). He said he never intended to break up and he liked me a lot but was overworked/stressed.Now after 6 months I've contacted him again (by email) to ask if we could meet and talk. Partly, I wanted closure because this guy broke up with me over email. Partly I needed to know if I should wait for him to finish his studies. I've dated other guys but can't be serious with them because I fantasize my ex and I will get back together. I'm finding it hard to move on.But my ex says he's even more overworked and doesn't see the work situation changing soon in the short to medium term - that I shouldn't wait for him. He says he doesn't want to hurt me.Now I wonder if he even cared for me in the first place. Why can't he just say he doesn't want me any more instead of blaming it on his work?! That I shouldn't bother waiting because he's moved on. It's hard for me to believe someone could give up on something so special because of their work. Is this something guys do?
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female
reader, DeepBlueSkies +, writes (31 March 2009):
DeepBlueSkies is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you eyeswideopen and Jessica! I really appreciate your help. Your words have struck a chord. I think I'll need to move on from this guy for my own sake.
A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 It is common for grad students, or those just entering the work force to not be in a new relationship because of the time they have to spend at work or school. In fact, graduate students have a high divorce rate for that very reason.
I would take him at his word and move on. Better that he is being up front with you now about it than dragging you along. It wouldn't be fair to you to be in a one sided relationship, and it wouldn't be fair to him to feel guilty all the time about not having time for you.
Who knows, maybe a year or two from now things will change for him, but he has pretty much told you to not hold your breath, so don't.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 March 2009):
 It doesn't really matter whether he is blaming his work load or not. He told not to wait for him and that he doesn't want to hurt you. I think that pretty much is the writing on the wall, don't you? Keep dating, you'll find someone who isn't "too busy" for you.
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