A
female
age
36-40,
*ouse17
writes:I have a flatmate (or roommate) who is essentially slowly but surely loosing the plot. I've been living in my flat for around 5 months? I'd been flat hunting for around a month at this time it got offered to me and it seemed cool (piano, record player, nice vibe) however I only met one of the flatmates at the interview time. I ended up meeting Eric* when I moved in and we got along really well! However it didnt take me long to notice he isnt exactly the most mentally stable person. Me and Eric hung out a bit (went to the movies stoned) but then things started going down hill when Eric lost his job. I'm pretty sure hes bipolar and he takes meds but since loosing his job which is probably maybe around 3-4 months ago now his mental state has been shocking. At the start he was just smoking pot all the time and never leaving his room. He said he would start looking for another job in a week. That never happened. Then he started having panic attacks that lasted for hours and days. He was constantly throwing up and in turn this also kept me up all night. I kept offering to help but he said no he's fine. This happened a fair few times when he finally when to his psychiatrist and they put him on ritalin. This was not a good choice for him! One day he went to my friends house and ended up passing out in a park along the way for 6 hours. He woke up in the middle of the night alone in a park oh and he's not eating. NOW- he's on valium however instead of taking his prescribe amount 2 a day HE TAKES 12. If he runs out of valium he drinks himself into a stupor. Yesterday he was so drunk he fell over around his room and smashed it all up. He's also inconsiderate of flatmates and is awake literally all hours (where we all work daytime jobs) he keeps the kettle in his room and does sleep deprecation and drinks coffee non stop for days. It's just... He's a friend but he doesn't accept help/ just keeps going on about how hes just not meant to be happy. Clearly this guy is depressed but it's also doing my head in. I've said get another job but he says he cant because of his social anxiety. He's turning 30 next year and I just see this getting worse and worse... but I cant afford to have sleepless nights and feeling like shit at my job because he wont get help. Am I being selfish? What can I do? I've been looking at other places to move into but I just dont know. Any advice would be really helpful. Thanks!
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female
reader, mouse17 +, writes (14 August 2013):
mouse17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey folks,
Thank you very much for your replies! I'll take it all into consideration. I'm not very good at confrontation and every time I do say something to him he skirts around it all... but thanks! Any big progress I'll keep you updated.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 Some kind of intervention is necessary. One of my friends is bipolar and once in a while he stops taking his medication. What we've had to do was call the police and the paramedics. The police are there to ensure that he is not a danger to anyone, and the paramedics are there to admit him to emergency, so that he can get a psychiatric evaluation.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 August 2013):
Dear OP,
You're not selfish to move out, it's your right to sleep at nights! I'd find it the best thing to do if you are sitting him down one more time and tell him: "Look, Eric, I really like you, but lately I couldn't sleep or feel at home because of you. I am really worried about you, but I'm also worried about myself. See, I've still got a job and it's in danger, because you make too much noise and I can't sleep. That's why I want to move out." Or something like that. I just want to say, be honest with him. Give him the chance to find another roommate, or think about his actions and promise to be more respectful.
If you want to help him, I think Honeypie's advice to call his family would be smart. Because he'll soon run out of money and he's heading for disaster.
His psychiatrist makes me wonder, though, because if your roommate is having panic attacks it doesn't make sense to give him ritalin.. at least as far as I know. Also, valium is addictive in the long run and it's not a smart choice to give them out to someone who might abuse drugs already (I mean the weed). Maybe, if it's possible, you can suggest he sees a counsellor, talks to his psychiatrist again (or to another one).. or maybe he even needs to go to a special clinic. In the end, you can't decide for him what to do. But again, I think it would be really nice of you if you can talk to him, openly. That doesn't mean you should change your mind about moving out. Maybe he doesn't realize yet how much he's lost touch with reality and how much damage his behavior has caused.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Your friend needs professional help that you cannot give him. The only solution i see for you is to move out and find elsewhere to stay. Whereas Eric will need to seek help from a professional or have it sought for him which i doubt he'll appreciate at first but it'll be good in the long run. For now though, move out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 If you can get hold of his family, I would let them know. I would also look for a new place to rent ASAP.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Of course you're not being selfish. He doesn't want help. Move out as soon as you can.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (13 August 2013):
It sounds like your friend does have mental health issues. He is on medications and is not taking it is another sign of mental health issues among the numerous other issues you have stated. You sound like a caring and loving friend. But friend you are not trained to help Him. You don't understand what it takes to get him better. He needs professional help. Can you talk to his family or someone that he trust to assist him to voluntary attend the hospital. I'm sure this has happened before. You are going to become resentful of your friend and his actions. Even though he can't control himself. You too, are going to get sick and tired yourself. I realize you care for your friend but you must take care of yourself first. You will be no help to Eric if you don't. Get the professional assistance to help you before Eric does something you can't take back. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): move out, asap, before it gets any worse. he's your flatmate and a friend but he's not your responsibility.
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