A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My name is *Rose and i am 16. I have been together with my boyfriend for neally 2 years and i love him so much. My parents and his parents think that we will get married and we believe it too. The thing is about a month ago i cheated on him with my friend mark who is 21 and at the time it felt good and daring but afterwards i regreted it. I only kissed him though but on more than 1 occasion. I don't really talk to *James anymore as i feel guilty. Also i went on holiday last week and got friendly with a spanish barman and on my last night there he kissed me but i didn't kiss him and now i feel very guilty but i can't tell my boyfriend as it would COMPLETLY ruin our relationship.I don't understand why I did this and my friends say it's because of the attension i am getting from other boys. Please help.(Mod Note: personal email deleted.)
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 hmmm.. its all very cosy and secure these plans everyone has for you arent they? Dating, marriage and happy ever after. The problem with this scenario is there is always one participant who is going along for the ride - and in this case its you.
Now, there is no problem with this at all, you are very young and you should be experiencing different things and meeting different people. Your family obviously want you to be the virgin bride, and the provider of happy grandchildren.
Lose this fantasy, your behaviour with these strangers is a sympton of rebellion. It's only a bit of a snog anyway, but I think you really need to decide if you want your life mapped out by others or whether you want to live your life yourself.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (4 November 2007):
 I think your friends are probably right to be honest, you answer your own question here pretty much when you say that it felt 'good and daring', in other words you were after the thrill and the adrenalin rush that these experiences gave you.
The answer is slightly more complex to your dillemma, you need to find out if that same thrill can be injected into your current relationship. 2 years is a long-term relationship at your age but at any age things can become a little stale after such an amount of time.
You say the second time that you didnt kiss the barman back so I wouldnt be too harsh on yourself, you learned from your first experience. Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): Oh dear, you've got yourself into a bit of a sticky situation darling.
I'm sorry to say this, but i think you should tell *James. It is best to be truthful to your partner in a realtionship and it will hurt him more if he finds our from someone else.
Tell him that you are afraid to tell him something because it will hurt his feelings, but you feel so guilty and you really regret what you've done. Tell him about the bar man - but that you didn't kiss him back beacuse you knew that you were doing the wrong thing.
It is likely that he will be upset with you or else cross, but he will find out sooner or later and it will be better if he finds out from YOU sooner - cos then you will have more time to make up. (Plus by telling him yourself, you can say that you are truely sorry and show that you know how to be honset.)
Best of luck x x x
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