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female
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anonymous
writes: In high school I dated a guy for 3 yrs. I broke up with him thinking that he probably was not the one. We remained friends and kept in touch throughout the years. During my first marriage, which only lasted 1 yr., he had moved to another state. After my divorce we continued to write to one another. During that time we had talked of my son and I moving to his state. This never went anywhere because we were both afraid of being rejected. I met my second husband at work. We lived together for 6 yrs. prior to marriage. During the first few years I realized that I had made a mistake. I wanted my high school sweetheart back. I had planned to tell him when I got the news that he had suddenly eloped with a girl he had been dating. When I heard the news from my mom, I went home and sat in the dark and cried like I had never cried before. I knew that he would not be my best friend anymore. I was heartbroken but I have kept these feelings hidden for years. My second husband and I have been together for 21 yrs. Thanks to the miracle of IM my high school sweetheart and I have continued to stay in touch. We are both married with children. We recently talked about what had happen through the years. Confessions and emotions were revealed. It turns out that we had been both wanted the same thing all those years ago. This made me feel even worse knowing that I had missed the love of my life and had only myself to blame. It has been a nearly a year since I’ve had a conversation with him. He no longer answers my instant messages. It is driving me crazy, and I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t know how to let go.
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male
reader, anonamous +, writes (24 June 2006):
mabye so but if you tell your curent boyfriend or husband about it mabye he can support you and help you get over it
or speak to your high scool boyfriend and see if that helps
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (24 June 2006):
 Honey, you have learned a lesson about relationships the hard way - when you hide your feelings you risk missing out on something special.
There is nothing to be done that can change what has passed. There is only now and the future. And there are choices. You can choose to learn from this experience so that if the opportunity arises once again, you will not hide your feelings. It is better to risk and end up with knowledge rather than to not risk and end up with regret.
Or you can choose to ignore the lessons to be learned, and languish over what could have been. This is the path that leads to withdrawal and loneliness because you could project your regret onto your family and become estranged from them.
I don't keep my feelings secret, especially from the ones I love. I make a special point of letting these people how I feel. In certain circumstances, when I am concerned about risk, I will reveal my feelings slowly because I don't want to freak that person out.
When I moved from my home town to a new city (nine years ago), I had no idea how long it would take (if at all) to meet someone new that would become a kindred spirit. It took eight years, as it turned out. My friend will be moving to a new city shortly, but I have let her know over time how much she means to me. I have no regrets, and I believe that we are going to be friends for life.
I hope my story helps you to see that in order to live without regret, you need to take risks to advance or solidify your relationships. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, DdauttaBunny +, writes (24 June 2006):
 I cannot pretend for one minute to know what it is like to be you. Loving some one for all those years and not being able to have them must be heart wrenching.According to your letter he his probably suffering just as much as you are and it would probably be best to give him some space after all he does have a wife and child as well. If you do not contact him for a couple of months perhaps he will start to think of you fondly again and reconcile.I have no guarentee that this will work but I understand that you need some reassureance right now. Does the fact that you have put 'I dont know how to let go' imply that you want to?
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