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I cannot stop thinking about my ex

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 October 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi, I am 25 years old and have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. I do love him (but not sure if I am 'in love' with him anymore) and the thought of hurting him breaks my heart but I can not stop thinking about my ex. We split about 7 years ago and I haven't stopped thinking about him since the first day we met.

I have never really known his true feelings for me (there is a 7 year age gap between me and the ex) and we were not dating for that long but we have kept in touch on and off and its not always me that makes first contact.

I need to know how he actually feels about me and I have thought about all of the possible answers my ex could give. I just want to know once and for all so I can decide what I am going to do. Am I just being stupid and selfish?

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (18 October 2007):

cd206 agony auntOkay, so there was a seven year age gap five years ago when you were about 20. Would it be a fair assumption to guess that your ex was the first guy you felt you loved? There's always some misguided nostalgia for the first guy you love and a feeling that you will never quite move on from them and indeed in many ways you never will. However, put your ex out of your mind and focus on your current relationship. Is it working? Would it be preferable to be alone as opposed to being with your current partner? Don't see it as a choice between your current partner and your ex but between being alone and happy or staying in your relationship and being miserable. No doubt your ex still has feelings for you on some level. We can never love anyone without some scars being left behind when we part ways but my guess is that those feelings can't be cloned again. Things are magical the first time. The second time they just can't live up to the fantasy.

CD

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (18 October 2007):

Your ex likes you but he is not "in love" with you.

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